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I have weaned myself off the pain pills (Hydracodone and Acetaminophen together make one pill), as well as other pain medication like Tramdol and Melxicom.  I tried going off them all because I don’t like how they mess with my brain and emotions.  I tend to repeat myself several times before realizing I’m doing so.  But now I’m back on the pain pills.  All of them.  I’m in such amount of burning pain its unreal.  I don’t know if it’s withdrawal but it’s so uncomfortable. 

I feel like this is a failure on my part.  It’s been a week today since the surgery and I want to be all better like right now!  I know I have at least 7 more weeks of this.  I go next Wednesday to see the surgeon again to get a hard cast on.  He has me in a loose fitting cast so I can swell without getting hurt. 

What hurts the most is the Achilles’ tendon.  Which the surgeon stretched or lengthened.  That’s what’s causing the most pain.  Then I have random strong spasms that shoot thru the foot at random times.  It shakes the cast and vibrates through my toes.  It scares me.

I’m also on Abilify, Zoloft, Levothyroxine and Seroquel for my bi-polar disorder  and hypothyroidism and they all interact with the pain pills causing severe drowsiness and confusion.  I worry if I make sense to people.  I’m wondering if I talk too fast or not fast enough and what I’ve just said.  I try and stay silent but it’s hard when people constantly ask you how you are doing.

Hopefully this all gets better.  I’m trying to stay strong. I’m really hard on myself.  I know that.