Do you even care?

Okay, tell me this. When did my problems become less important than yours? Less pressing? Less urgent? Less important? Less painful? How come, in every single conversation it’s always me consoling you when it should’ve been the other way around?? That never happens, not even once. Not when I told you that my marriage was nearly on the rocks, you send me a virtual hug and told me everything would be alright… did you just say that because its what you thought I wanted to hear? Was it that hard to put some effort and thought into your answer? I mean, you’ve been going through a lot lately. Moved in with your boyfriend, had to decorate your new place and all that… for every single problem you dropped at my feet, I did my best to come up with an answer, a solution to make you feel better. To make sure you knew that I cared, that you are worth the effort… but am I not worth the same? Do I not deserve an answer or a solution, granted- this wasn’t a problem you could fix or give a solution for… but I expected more of you than a hug and some stupid words. We’ve been friends for what, 12 years now? I only met you last year for the first time, but still it felt like we’d just seen each other the day before. We’ve got a strong bond, but lately it’s all me putting energy and thought into it- and you taking without giving any… I’m tired. Every time I see you online, there’s always something your complaining about. Always something that’s got you down, and then when I don’t have the time to talk to you and try to let you down gentle, you always manage to make me feel bad about myself. Bad for leaving, for not being a better friend. It’s not so much the things you say, but the stuff you don’t say. I know you feel worse because I can’t talk to you, because for once I’ve got stuff in my own life to deal with. I don’t want to listen to your sob stories all the time, they make me sad too. and they are never ending it seems, lately at least.

Am I a terrible friend for thinking this way? Terrible for wanting to be the center of attention for once, just once? I want your advice, even if it’s crappy and won’t get me anywhere, I want to feel that you care enough to think of a solution for my troubles. I want to see you make an effort, but you never do… I know you care about me in your own way. But lately I’ve started to wonder if it’s enough…