We Are Not Okay

I don’t even know what to say.

I could never have imagined something like this happening in this country, and I feel like I’m having a nightmare and I wish I could just wake up.

I never wanted to talk about political issues here; my diary was supposed to be a safe place for me to talk about my thoughts and feelings related to my mental illness and my efforts to get better and live a more open, free, and honest life with myself and those around me. I didn’t want to talk about things that tear my family apart or tear my country apart. But here we are.

I don’t know what these people expect to happen. I know what they hope will happen, but what do they really expect? Countries where people act with violence directed at the government of that country devolve into civil unrest, and in many cases, that civil unrest lasts years or decades and supply chains are blocked, people can’t get food or clean water, and the electrical grid is destroyed. Or, if they’re “lucky”, some despot steps into the power vacuum and keeps his boot on the backs of the people, and once again, supply chains get blocked, people can’t get food or clean water, and the electrical grid is destroyed, with the added benefit of complete loss of freedom and rights, where people can be jailed or killed for speaking out against those in power. Is this what they want? I don’t understand.

I know they’re angry, I know they think the election was fraudulent, I know they want Trump to remain in power.

The people who did this today are the same sorts of people I see on social media who talk about law and order, who claim to know the minds of the Founding Fathers, and who say they are defending the Constitution. But this isn’t the way this works. The election was done, free and fair, and Joe Biden won. The court cases came and went, the recounts were done, the electoral votes were counted, and it’s finished. You don’t change this with violence, but with votes. Don’t like your Senator or Representative? Get rid of them in their next election. You don’t get to shoot them because you’re mad. You don’t get to tear apart the country because some lunatic refuses to accept reality.

I just never imagined I would see this happen or that I would feel this unsafe as an American.