Home again, home again .. jiggetty jig.

As previously reported …  the Handspinners and Weavers meeting was great. I learned about the large number of Rare and Heritage Breeds of sheep that exist, and chatted with some much more experienced folk, who were very hospitable.  Then off to the Art Gallery to enjoy the Impressionism exhibition, which was great. Imagine being in the same rooma s some of my favourite paintings!  I’m very fortunate.

The appointments in Adelaide yesterday went well.  I explained to the chap helping me with the financial stuff that yes, indeed, I knew I could have done it online, but anxiety about it all had led me to go to their office so as to avoid doing it wrongly and either having * **Disaster** *  follow … or at least inconvenience to all concerned. ok, I chuckled a bit, so he would realise I wasn’t a total flake, despite that being an exact expression of my sometimes thoughts. He observed my shaky hands (due mostly to the puffer) and said “I can see that. We are here to help you any time.” He’s a year younger than I am, so must be thinking about retirement himself, no doubt with every nook and cranny of the rules about money known to him. I wish I felt the same.

However,  I eventually left feeling like an old sponge, and  spent a bit of time ambling about the city area before getting some groceries unobtainable here. Different varieties of muesli,  … or *Museli* as they call it in the shop, a wider variety of cleaning  implements, bins of chia seed … looxury! Then I found a photographers where they have scanned a photo of Grandad and one of Uncle Tommy so that I can have larger, and equal sized, photos of them to frame.

By that time it was time to find the venue for Anne’s appointment. It was air-conditioned and had a cold water dispenser, so I waited there for her. There is to be some sort of investigation into her troubles next week, poor mite. She is lucky to have an entitlement similar to the one Dad had as an ex-serviceman. Anne’s late husband was also in WWII, so  she gets priority medical treatment. Well, “lucky” isn’t really the word-her husband fought tooth and nail to get it for her as he was dying himself.

The drive back was uneventful. There were some trucks way too close behind us, and one person persisted in shining their lights into my mirrors  who was giving me the pip. I longed for the passing lane to come and still he didn’t pass me until I slowed to an absolute crawl. Our favourite coffee place wasn’t open as we went past … we could almost smell the coffee and then saw the **CLOSED** sign.

My poor Husband is at the dentists at long last. He has *a lot* of work needing to be done … my hope is that it might help his general health. He’s braver than I am – he dreads it too, but doesn’t make a song and dance about it. I make a song and dance about *everything.*  I hope he won’t refuse to have the extent of it explored .. but I can only do so much.  *I’m not even **his** mother… so powerless indeed.*

I’ve allowed myself .. *unhelpfully indeed* .. to fall into a brawl with SIL and Bro. It all started because I wanted to give Mum a CD player for Mother’s Day, as a surprise. I asked whether she already had one, in which case I’d give her more CDs. They refuse to reply.  Long story  which unhelpful words fly via text message. I give up, I really do. They are punishing me and Mum for my shortcomings, which are no doubt plentiful, but why knock the  joy out of her life for a bit of leverage, or spite or something?

I was given some free psychological advice in which SIL told me that my times of anxiety are “no big deal” and that my childhood sexual abuse was just something I need to put behind me. No doubt she is right, but my magic wand seems to have a flat battery at the moment.  I said that one size does not fit all, unfortunately. She ended up threatening to send my counsellor all the text messages Bro and I have exchanged to prove to the counsellor what a dreadful person I am.  I said they might want to correct the grammar, the spelling and remove most of the passages of exclamation marks. Bro/SIL are prone to finishing sentences with !!!!! e.g. “You would of been better to ask your mum yourself wether she has a cd player!!!!!”  Yeah, I know, that makes me sound snobbish. Apparently they have not come across the concept of ‘a surprise’ before.  Ah, I can only try to do better. I ended by saying that it seems clear that we can’t work together for Mum’s benefit, about which I am sad but resigned. I said I knew I had been wrong to allow myself to be provoked, but  the best idea was to go along  separate paths, since a common path seems beyond us.

I acknowledge that I do seem a bit grumpy these days .. the world seems a grumpy place at what might be called the top level, and I’m afraid that is one way in which the otherwise nonsensical “trickle-down” theory might be true. I need to work harder on keeping my equanimity.

It’s going to be hot for the next few days, so not much housework will be done over and above the minimum.  I have been making some strides in the decluttering, and I’ve derived some satisfaction from that. A little bit daily seems to have got me close to the tipping point where you can see that what you’ve done has had some effect. Good-oh.

**GRATEFUL:**

– Husband can at long last have his teeth seen to
– Mine are not in as parlous a state
– I don’t have to go out into the hot wind to work.