Chaos, marriage and another move.

We moved to Manitoba, where I had previously lived. I got back in with my old friends while he made some of his own at school. Things felt better, happier. We didn’t have to be each other’s everything and it helped. For a while, anyways. He went back to school to continue on in the medical field. I worked full time, a few different jobs through that time.

I had a job at a restaurant in the kitchen during that time. I loved the folks I worked with, we had a lot of fun together.  My ex-husband had proposed to me by the time I was working there.  I was happy.  That’s when chaos entered my life.  I was outside the restaurant one day when I noticed one of our drivers in the smoking area. He was crying.  I went over to make sure he was okay.  His ex was getting married and he wasn’t taking it well.  So, I thought I was being a friend by comforting him. I’m not sure what happened because suddenly, I became the object of his affection.  He would slip me litte notes at work, put them in my locker or my shoes. Once under my windshield wiper blade.  He knew where I lived as he’d driven me home before, so he would show up to my building, hide little things places and then text me where they were. I still have no idea how he got my number.  I didn’t tell anyone about this as it was embarrassing and I had just thought “okay he’s having a tough time, he will move past it and it will fade away”. But it didn’t.  He got worse. He would follow me places. And then one day everything tipped.  He was making threats to hurt himself or me if I wouldn’t come and talk to him. I told my fiance and my roommate what was going on. Obviously they weren’t letting me go out there. He eventually left and showed up at our work. I had called around to a few of his friends from work as he needed some help. It ended with him going for some mental health help and me being blamed for it all at work.  I absolutely do have blame in this.  I don’t recall that I sent out any signals that would say I was interested. I was engaged. I never hid that fact. But obviously something I was putting out there Drew him to me and then I was too scared to do anything about it so I just let it keep going. And look what happened.

We recovered from that chaos just in time for me to meet Her #2.  Only this one was a full on affair.  Why wasn’t I enough? Am I hard to live with? Am I not loving people right? What is it I’m doing to keep this happening. What did I need to change? I was so hurt.  I ended up having a short lived affair of my own.  About a month.  It felt good to be wanted by someone.  My fiance didn’t seem at all interested in me.  At least someone was.  I justified it because I was hurting.  Usually it was me who was used. But this time, I used him. It felt terrible. I got caught.  He tried to be angry about it until I called out his own affair.  We were even,we figured. We loved each other still. That would be enough. We began to plan our wedding.  Oh my God, the amount of signs that pointed to this being a bad idea is astounding. And I missed every one.

The first big thing was my grandparents telling me that they weren’t going to come if I didn’t have it in our hometown. That’s the way it was delivered to me. Now as it turns out they just wanted it to be in the hometown because my grandmother was not feeling great and was worried she’d be too sick to travel. I pick out my dress I am so in love with it. My mother hates it. The planning was hard, everything went wrong, and then the day before we’re supposed to drive home for the wedding our car breaks down. Now bless my ex’s heart, he had our way there figured out before I even knew anything was broken. I got to fly in luxury while he got to squeeze in and all ready to full car for 8 hours.

The morning I was to be a bride, I woke up to get ready. I always thought I’d be the level of excited Monica on friends was when she married chandler. Instead I just sat there thinking “well I get married today cool”. Not a lot of excitement. I think I was more excited to put my dress on.  I wasn’t unhappy. Just not excited. I figured it was just cold feet. The ceremony was nice, we had fun doing pictures.  Dinner and dancing was great.  And then my father walks into the hall, blood dripping down his face. They were two separate halls where we had our reception. The other wedding party beat my dad up. And I went OFF!  Police were there.  Some drunk girl from the other wedding was trying to say he tried to hit her and I lunged at her. A police officer catches me around the waist and tells me he doesn’t want to arrest me on my wedding night to which I reply screaming “I don’t fucking care, bridezilla is out of the fucking bag!”

And that was the beginning of our marriage.

After the wedding we went back to Manitoba.  I really wanted to move back home. I missed everyone.  One of my uncles and one of my aunts had each had a massive stroke.  My other aunt found out she had cancer and died one month to the day of diagnosis.  Calling her to say goodbye, knowing it was a final goodbye really fucked me up for a while. My grandmother wasn’t too healthy at that point.

So once again, we packed up and went on our way.