Shitty title.

I was NEVER good at making titles.

My husband finished his first week as his “job”.  No more working from home.  It’s 8-5, Monday through Friday, with few holidays.

He’s sick with a cold and making everyone’s life pretty miserable.

Nothing is settled.  Nothing.  Nothing has been settled for the past three months.

This week, he should find out if he is accepted for the position in New York.  The Colorado job died, which is too long to write out why it did.  Except it was the right move.

Nothing is settled.

I am thrown into a daily grind of watching the kids all day long.  I have no idea how I’ll get back to work – if I can even go back to work with an numb knee and no ACL

On Friday, my sister called my mother and told her that my oldest nephew, who I adore, tried to commit suicide.

The worst part? You can’t believe her.  Because she ALSO added to the story a whole lot of nonsense about my oldest son; saying that a principal at school had spoken to my oldest son about texting my oldest nephew.  She claimed that I knew about it and even said that I was the one texting my nephew.

The whole story was bullshit.  Not one shred of truth.  My son didn’t communicate with my nephew, he was never spoken to at school, and I certainly wasn’t texting anyone.

When you tell what MIGHT be part of a truth (that my oldest nephew, long suffering with depression and being emotionally abused by his mother and family and therefore might have made comments related to suicidal ideation, or even some kind of an attempt) with MOST of a lie (the rest of it) it makes the whole story very difficult to believe.

But it scared my mother and may impact my ability to continue to pursue her legally.  My mother is concerned that the legal pressure may ultimately lead to my nephew committing suicide.  No matter how much I feel that, even if that horrifying thing were to occur, it would be at the hands of my sister (who abuses him) and NOT me, she may not be convinced.  That leaves more up in the air.

I can’t even get my fucking tax return.  Nothing updates.  And we need it.

Uncertainty is not one of my strongest skills, and being forced to exercise it now is only leading to things being more unbearable.

Not just for me, but for my kids.  I feel awful for my kids.  And I feel like I am doing this alone.  My God, my husband isn’t much of a help in some ways and chooses not to be in others.

My mother’s care falls on me.  I have to call her every day because I am truly like an only child now and she is alone.

I miss my father.