On silence.

I took my own break to recharge and reaffirm my own values and priorities.

In the meantime, much has happened.

So much has happened that it makes me weary to type it all out.

Toxic people still exist but I am heartened by those who refuse to allow that toxicity to overwhelm them and disconnect.

Legal proceedings still go on, because righteousness is still righteousness.

I continue to raise my children, even while it sometimes takes every ounce of my being to do so.  Times are not easy but they cannot be the collateral damage.  That is part of parenting.

We are in our new setting, even as our old one remains deeply in limbo.

In fact, everything seems in limbo.  And I am a person who desperately likes answers.

I now know my partner has medical issues which contribute to his negative personality, reduce his sexual energy, and ultimately threaten his health.  Now we play the game of unraveling this.  Publicly, I stand with him.  Semi-privately, I stand with him.  Of course I am concerned.  Privately – very privately – I ask myself is this all there is? and wonder if I am sentenced to this life.  But then I banish those thoughts because they feel evil and wrong.

I didn’t say it was elegant. I said it was true.

I would be anxiously counting the days until school begins, but there will be no school this year.  No first-day pictures.  Just the mundane days of an ever-evolving homeschool routine; a routine that I am told I am mastering but do not feel as I am.  In fact, I feel quite empty.  I feel jealous of those who rave about homeschooling and how they crave the time with their children.

There is much to step over.  I have far better ways to engage my time than to worry about those things that I cannot change.

Yet, I still worry.

I am exploring my new environment; an environment where I am decidedly in the minority.  I think of those who would hate this, but I truly do not hate where we are.  It is freeing to be in the place over where we were in some ways.  I am beginning to educate myself on the unique challenges people face here.  Why have the schools been historically bad?  What separates this place from other places?  How has race and ethnicity played a role?  What fears do I have that are totally unfounded?

I have challenged myself in new ways that I am developing pride about.

That last sentence should not have ended that way.  Don’t end sentences with “about”.

Bad writing.

I digress.

And I have digressed too far.  I will end for now but I will be back.  My hiatus is over because I have chosen to ignore and step over those who spew ugliness and intolerance and hate.