On one of those things.

There are things that are just true, whether you like them or not, they just are.

You can ignore that they are true, you can say they are not true when they are, in fact, true.

But their truth remains.

If the sky is blue; if it is a sunny clear day and the sky is blue, the sky is not red.  It is not.  It is blue.  You can argue that it is not blue.  You can pretend that you see red and not blue.  You can cry and refuse to see the blue.  But it’s blue.  It just is; and your ignorance of the truth does not change the truth of that truth.

It’s true.

Life is not always so obvious.

Life and the relationships contained in that life, are not always as clear as whether or not the sky is blue.

We use data and interpretation in order to draw conclusions about our lives in order to extract truth.

If a man hits a woman, and has hit many women before that, he is an abuser.  We know this from the data.  We know this from our observation.  We can call it something different, we can argue it, but that doesn’t change the truth.

If a person misuses alcohol over and over, fails to keep jobs, and otherwise abuses the family emotionally – that person is a destructive alcoholic.  It’s not untrue because someone else fails to see it. It’s not untrue because of any reason; it is true because it is.  We evaluate the data and we know what is true.  If you choose to stay with a person who is like this, and you fool yourself into thinking that you are staying for the sake of children, this does not change the truth.  You are choosing to stay with an alcoholic, period.

It’s never that simple, and I’m not trying to say that it is truly that simple, but in some ways, it’s not nearly as complicated as some make it out to be.  The refrain of “I have no choice” is really a cry of “I don’t have any good choices.”

Sometimes, I have remind myself of who I live with and who he is.

I have to remind myself that I have made a choice to be with this man and that his flaws are terrible but I know them.  They are not untrue because I want them to be untrue.

In the end, I must acknowledge – and continue to acknowledge  – that I will never have the life I thought I would have (the life I want?) if I am with him.  There is no magic answer or solution that will change the truths that I know.  I have known them for many years.  Really.  I have.  I can pretend I haven’t but I know I have.  I know what his problems are and I know they cannot change.  As long as I am in this space with him, I will always have these problems.  I have to believe that, because it’s true.  Even if I wish it wasn’t true, even if I pray and hope and try one more thing, it’s not true and I really do know that.

At my core, I am an optimist.  I believe in the capacity for people to change.  I have to.  I chose a profession that is built on that concept; on people changing.  But there are some who will never change.  There are some who cannot change.  I know this, but it is difficult to be in a relationship with someone like that.  I have to accept, as long as I am in relationship with this person, my life will never be appreciably different. I will live with the roller coasters that financial abuse bring because I stay.  I expect him to change when I know what the truth is.  I am, at times, ignoring the truth.  I am looking at symptoms and not the systemic problems.

Is it better if I know I am doing it?