On going insane.

Just end this nightmare.

PLEEEEASE just end it.

Every single fucking solitary day, the list of job opportunities changes.  I can’t keep track and I can’t possibly know what is right or not.

Yesterday, my husband declined a job offer.  I kind of agreed with the move, because it was the career killing/bad company job.  And the recruiter on that job was truly a first class asshole.

What’s left (and some of what is new!)

1.  The “Big Good Company/but did I just get bait and switched?” job is in play and guess what.  I knew what the husband didn’t.  HE WAS.  It’s true.  The “Big Good Company”‘s job is a fucking sales job.  The same job he just turned down from “bad company”.  A fucking sales job; a job he did at least ten years ago.  Such a step up in career! NOT.  More than that, he sucks at that.  He’s never done well.  He’s going to magically do well now?  Please.  Instead, he’ll falter for two years, look for a new job somewhere and piss off Big Company so he can never work for them again (he’s already done this now with several major players in his industry, he’s running out of bridges to burn.)
2. Microscopic company based about 2 hours from here.  He wouldn’t have to be in the office all of the time, but he’d still be in that area.  It is not local.  They want to meet him on Monday and they asked for references.  The job title is fine but when you work for someone microscopic, does that really matter?  Going from the “big, everyone has literally heard of” company to “They might have five offices, I’m not sure” company – maybe if you’re the CEO it makes a difference but this role, not very local to us, and for this teeny tiny outfit?  Christ.
3. We’re calling it the “island of misfit toys” job.  That IS local to us.  It’s got a decent title – sort of.  For now it doesn’t, but later, you see….just believe the guy who wants to hire him…he’ll have a better title, right when he fire that guy in Phoenix.  Uh huh.  Sure that’ll happen.  The company is definitely not great, there are some personalities in the office that are also not great, and we just found out their health insurance costs more than our COBRA premium.  *blink*  They’re essentially matching his money from the previous job, but we’d take a $300 per month pay cut because of the ridiculous insurance.  And if he takes the Island of Misfit Toys job and walks after a few months, he risks pissing off a legitimately good recruiter and also having his name splashed all over the place.  Oh, and for a while, he’d have to do sales with a pure shit company.  Wonderful.  But he has a firm, in-writing offer.  Did I mention they offer 7 days of paid time off in your first year?  I don’t mean 7 sick days, or personal days.  SEVEN.  DAYS.  OFF.  A. YEAR.  Like, if you get sick, start pulling from your 7 precious days.
4. The “3,000 miles away smallish company with a great title” job.  Yeah, it’s over 3,000 miles away from where we live.  This is called relocation, people!  As in, figure out what to do with my house and we are all going to be residents of another state.  This company wants to do multiple rounds of interviews and the CEO stated that he would be called for Round 2.  Have no idea what it would pay and no idea how I would move my family.

And that’s all, folks.  That’s all there is.  Shitty sales job, shitty ass company sales job with a promise of something in the future, a job that’s several states away, and some microscopic firm that isn’t totally local to us either.

On top of that, I have a sick kid, I have no health insurance, and I have to write an annotated bibliography for the first time in my life and I don’t want to.  I’m not even looking forward to it.  Severance is dripping away.  My sibling filed more legal paperwork.  I swear to fuck, I can’t deal with her either.

I got so incredibly fucked up last night, I could not be responsible for parenting.  I don’t care.  I needed to check out from this madness.  (This is why having 2 adults is so valuable).

It is almost impossible at times to keep a straight face, to shield the children from this uncertainty, and to remain focused on helping my spouse through his job search while keeping my mind on a PhD, the possibility of going back to work again, and so much more.

At the rate I’m going, I might have to spend the next few weeks completely obliterated.  I can’t, though.  Adulting is hard.