On freeing.

A few friends on social media recently remarked to me that they disconnected from a really toxic person; the same person that I was dismissed by for not shoving enough tubes up my premature baby boys’ noses.

All of them have now remarked how ultimately at peace they are with this.

Sometimes, this is foreign to me because I often try to maintain friendships with people who think differently from me. I did this all through the election of 2016 and even beyond.  I have a friend who is an atheist.  I completely disagree with her position but I respect it and it doesn’t impact me.  Who cares if she’s an atheist.  Honestly?  Who cares.

I have friends who are gay.  I don’t care that they are gay.  Who cares?  They are gay.  They are not bothering me.  They do not threaten me.  Whatever opinions I may have about that, so what.  We can be friends because what they do honestly doesn’t hurt me or anyone I care about.  It’s fine to be gay.

I have a friend with a transgender daughter.  I can certainly have my opinions about that, but does it matter?  It’s not my kid.  It’s fine.  I couldn’t pretend to understand what her situation is.  We are friends. It is okay.

The list goes on and on; I have friends practicing polyamorous lifestyles, gay friends, transgender friends, friends who are conservative, friends who are Christian and Jewish and atheist.

But the one thing they aren’t is toxic.

I think that might be the difference.  I have kept people in my life in the past because I feel like, if I don’t, then I am close-minded.

But I don’t think I gave a thought to what it was doing to me.  I think I forgot about that.

Having a diverse group of friends is fine, but I think what I forgot to account for is that diversity is toxic when the person you’re trying to stay connected to is truly toxic.

I have disconnected from people online.  During the election, some friends spewed vile hatred toward Hillary Clinton – I don’t mean the “I hate her and she’s a crook” argument.  More like, “She’s a sex trafficker and poisons people and [insert outrageous thing here]” arguments.  I left those connections because there was nothing of value to me in those connections and honestly, they were harmful to me personally.

It’s not like I don’t know how to hit the “unfollow” or “unfriend” button.  I have.  But I have not always.

Every single person I have spoken to, those who were connected to this person, have remarked how freeing and relieved they are now.  It is like, we invited chaos and evil into our worlds and now that it is gone, we recognize just how sick it was making us.

The mantra of “UNFRIEND ME IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT” or “UNFOLLOW ME, I DON’T CARE”…maybe that is advice we should take more often.  I am personally not a fan of those phrases because I really think they are the height of stupidity.  It typically is a phrase people use who are going to say things that shouldn’t be said; stupid, racist, outlandish, and intentionally inflammatory things.

WHITE PEOPLE ARE BETTER THAN BLACK PEOPLE….UNFRIEND ME IF YOU DONT LIKE IT!!!!!  (See how that works?  It’s usually drivel like THAT.)

“UNFRIEND ME IF YOU DONT LIKE IT” reminds me of those who say, “No disrespect, but…” or “I don’t mean to be rude, but…” and in each of those cases, you 100% mean to be disrespectful or rude.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but have you thought about losing weight?”  RUDE!  Cross off the “I don’t mean to be” and just say what it is, it’s rude.

“No disrespect, but do you ever regret that you didn’t do more to save your twin boys?”  STOP!  Total disrespect.  Just erase everything before that.

Anyone who reads this, and there are many, and a few that I wish didn’t, can be here and read and respond and agree (or not) with anything I say.  No, you don’t have to UNFRIEND ME IF YOU DONT LIKE IT, because I suspect, if you don’t like what I think, you’ll stop reading anyway.  If what I say upsets you, you will stop reading it and ignore this sliver of the interwebs.

And in truth, those who scream UNFRIEND ME IF YOU DONT LIKE IT perhaps do not realize how many people are ignoring that person anyway.  Still, sometimes ignoring someone is not enough.  We must disconnect because only then do we truly find peace.

I am grateful not to see the vitriol and sometimes really sick thoughts of some people on social media.  I should have remembered that being open minded and accepting should not come with a pricetag of my own sanity and peace.  Yes, I ignored a lot but I was still reading.  I still saw it.  Now I don’t.  It’s freeing.

Sick people have a right to be sick and rude and evil in their corner of the world. I am not more openminded if I choose to ignore and disconnect from those people.  I am, however, grateful that this one person made that choice for me.  She was smarter than I was.  I should have done it but I couldn’t bring myself to.  And yet, now that I no longer have to read the utter stupidity…I am free.  Life is more peaceful.

If you are connected to someone really toxic to your wellbeing, leave them.  Appreciate the peace you feel when you do.