STIRRRR CRAZY

So last week I spent my days off in Clearwater…and while I missed my boyfriend…I really didnt miss Bartow. I sort of forgot how incredible it was to just be in MY place….have all my things things…and not rush about doing laundry 1 day before work…and be at the Pool and be able to hang out with friends.

I’m in Bartow right now…and I just…I dont have a gym membership here, I dont have my weights, I dont have my book (I forgot it), I have to pack to come here every week. I dont have my food….I have to grocery shop for two places! Its starting to get to me. Its not as fun and relaxing as it was. All the sudden I realize I am putting forth a lot of effort here…and its not that he isnt worth it…I am just ready for the next step.

I hate Bartow…Its a terrible terrible place with nothing to do. BUT If I atleast lived here and had my THINGS here I would feel better about being here. Sort of sucks to be sitting in his house all day with out my things and just wait for him to get home.

I applied at a couple of jobs…for part time work…and I also applied at a few volunteer places. I have been kinda not applying at places because I want to spend more time with Doug. The thing is I cant do that anymore. I need something to happen…Its time I lived with him, or we are engaged.

I dont think we will get engaged until after he graduates. I mean I obviously dont know his plans exactly but that is what it seems like. He graduates in August…not a very long time away but who knows how long after he will wait. I just need a next step. I feel like that is improtant. There is a natural progression in a relationship and I AM OFFICIALLY STIR CRAZY.

I’d be fine if we lived in the same city…but this driving back and forth and not spending a lot of time together is getting to me. I just need some sort of reasurance that I am not the only one frustrated.

At the very same time I have always feared that is was going to be ME pushing this relationship and it falling apart. I dont want that. SO I need to just chill…or I could push him away…

Keep in mind I have told him how I feel in a not so crazy way….I just come here to vent about stuff. SO I am not this crazy to him. lol. I do not push…if he’s not ready, he’s not ready.

That was my word vomit.

Time for a Mango Margarita, cause I need to chill.