Ridiculous ideas.

So I would like to touch on the fact that I feel pretty good/pretty bad about my standing in life. Which means, I am probably the median for my age group? Lol…maybe?

Coming out of bible college with absolutely NO job prospects and ending up as a secretary for a church that paid me absolutely NOTHING…I thought for sure I was never going to get out on my own and feel financial sound BY MYSELF. I thought $30,000 a year was out of my reach entirely….(and NO that is not how much I make, I make more. I am just saying that was my thoughts on money.) I never thought I could afford a place on my own! I never thought I’d get this budgeting thing figured out and I thought I’d NEVER have a savings account!

Now I know there are people my age that I am friends with who make more money than I do! I know there are people I am friends with my age that make LESS money than I do! BUT the fact that I make enough to live on my own, and save money is amazing to me.

On the other side of that, I really have more a grip on my money and I am disappointed in the amount of money I have not saved. I am on track now…but I have high goals. One day at a time I guess.

On to more exciting topics. (I suppose.) My airline is getting new aircraft! SO exciting! I hate these stupid old planes we fly! Can not wait for new planes! NEW LAVATORY! LOL…I wont explain that last one to you because…its disgusting.

Okay so I woke up this morning CRYING because I had a dream that I was 29 and I had to break up with my boyfriend because he had not proposed and I want to have kids and yada yada yada!

For some reason I have in my little messed up, warped head, that I am ruined by 29! How stupid is that? I don’t know what to tell you other than I REALIZE IT IS STUPID! …but I feel like if I am 29, I am less desirable and may NEVER get married.

I think this comes from the fact that I was 24 last time I was single…and I was in GREAT shape (not that I am completely fat and lazy now, but I’ve gotten comfortable) and I knew I could get anything I wanted with in reason…and I know that sounds big headed and all…but it never failed. If I hit on any single guy, I had him…maybe not long term, not what I REALLY wanted…but they were attracted.

What is with me that thinks this is all over at 29? That I no longer and desirable and attractive at 29? I have NO CLUE…society? Ridiculous ideals? Someone get in my brain and switch some crap around in there!

On another note, things are going well with Doug. I’m happy. We’ve been having fun. I still love him. He’s still the hottest guy I’ve ever seen in real life. …and that is that.

Hope you are all well!

MUAH.