Feels like Winter again yay

So school started yet again and I’m falling back into the old habit of sleeping in class or doing homework the period before it’s due and such. I was slightly disappointed.. I built myself up to be all excited for today. I was looking forward to meeting the SD Card guy (NO Im not devastated), bringing food for people in math, dressing up cute, going to the rally and talking to Victor.

My expectations do not meet reality.Whenever I anticipate something so much and get my hopes up I get reminded of Gatsby and how it was bad that he built up this illusion of Daisy so much only to be disappointed. The SD card didn’t meet up with me, he just told me to leave it in the office (not devastated), when I brought freakn food for ppl in math at our table they didn’t eat it as much bc they lost their appetite (plus they were kinda stale since I’ve had them on my desk for 3 weeks since the party lol), I couldn’t dress up cute because I feel asleep doing homework and woke up late plus why was it raining today ok anyways the rally was still stupid bc ppl were still throwing water bottles at the freshman from the stands but it gave me extra time to study for the quiz on the homework I didn’t do.

Talking to Victor was pretty much the highlight of my day – thanks Vic~ but Surya needs a slap or something lol. I dont want to be a bitch but he puts me in this uncomfortable position that feels necessary to do if I want to get my point across to him. I can’t keep this mutt on a leesh. Hell even Mark’s a better bitch lol I miss markymark,

met chanel’s boyfriend yesterday which was pretty cool. i was wearing my jabbawockeez shirt and i was sitting at Fiesta Taco and he walks up to me and is all ‘hey i know this is really random but i just wanted to say that i love your shirt’ i said thanks and then i recognized him even tho i never met him and almost yelled ‘oh my god you’re chanel’s boyfriend!’ his parents were even whoa’d and his jaw dropped and hes like howd you know that and i said chanel sits next to me in choir and hes like ohhh well im jared and you’re.. ‘ashley’ so i just told him and hes like oh cool and it ended and i tried to text chanel about it as soon as possible but he beat me to it. anyways, the way i just met him like that was so cool, she didnt even have to introduce me. i approve~

i love winter weather. i just get nostalgic and it makes me feel good. thats why i miss my old house. walking home with friends, particularly miriam or jonathan. i loved getting chicago’s with her or going to 7-11 with him. they were so fun. its now almost been 2 years ago since i moved. i had fun moments on the bus though. and im glad i made up with people from before. me and naudia are tight now, its like we never fought. same with chanel. i can tolerate butterfield more now. and omar is still good friends with me and surya. plus i was never really late to school bc i lived so close and i lost so much weight walking for 30 minutes every day.

i made a few new friends this week. izoah, sabrina, kevin… who else… yeah, it felt really odd not having my older friends back here. its not nearly as fun as when i spent time with my friends who graduated already.. i miss mark ambika kim raghav rene jenessa michael so many i hate to see go. it really sucks getting attached to someone whos older than you… you dont really get the chance to share as many events with them in high school. it was nice while it lasted, and at least i still keep in touch with them. 

i havent been to a party in a while. tomorrow i’m spending time with my aunt so im pretty excited. my mom said that she’s not up to going out so i was thinking just having girl talk watching movies eating and other stuff. im gonna be pissed if im not able to go to olya’s party. last year i was hella heartbroken when i couldn’t go to her party.. it looked like so much fun. plus i know a lot of people are going and it’s gonna be some of the last moments i spend with people from my batch as a whole. so i must go. even if i miss one stupid band practice, i have to go.

debating whether or not i should have a debutante’s ball or not. i hate being the center of attention. i like it in my mind but when it comes down to actually being in the spotlight i feel so awkward and want to hide.. if that makes any sense. plus im just particularly dreading pickout out my court, my 18 roses and candles. my friends change so much. and an extra car for the family would pay off in the long run. but i would probably choose a debutante’s ball so i could say thanks and goodbyes to all the people who’ve influenced my life and just have fun before making the next step of my life.

i might actually sit at a fun table this year. olya and brian invited me and surya to sit at their table. surya said he’ll sit where i sit and i feel bad that he still doesnt know as much people as i do at our school, even though he hits it off with people easily. i like having someone to meet up with and not feel lonely. i want to for his table but theres only a few of his friends that are actually fun to talk to and talk back to me. sitting from a table full of guys last year, only ashkon diego calvin and jason still talk to me. jonathan was nice, just too quiet. arjun is too uptight, he said it himself but i think we’re good. they were all the type of people who wouldn’t say hi to me unless i said it first. that was so much effort. i stayed quiet most of the time and just listened to their jokes. i really only spoke to those 4 anyways. the transition from sophomore year to junior year was heartbreaking since so many people moved or changed. 

^^^^lookit me, a little high school girl bitching about problems that aren’t even that big. hell its my senior year.. im not gonna see these people again. im gonna live it up. carpe diem~ this entry was kinda pointless. i forget a lot of things. i daydream constantly and find it hard to carry out my goals. what am i saying

I want to go to a concert again. I want to have something to look forward to again. I miss that. im caught inbetween dread and anticipation. i feel like something bad is going to happen. im gonna do core challenge

i secretly like watching Twilight. It gives me good feels. When I watched it the first time it was really fun. It reminds me of my friends and how we used to be. Same for 500 Days of Summer. I really miss people when I listen to music. Having a playlist every season brings me back to certain parts of my life and the way things were.

What am I saying

This entry is pointless. Hm.