Keeping me up at night

I think we’re going to have to rent out our house out west. It has been on the market for four months with several showings, but no offers yet despite a $15 G reduction in asking price. We are willing to negotiate people, make an offer already! I was up last night for about 2 hours in the middle of the night, thinking about this and what we are going to do about it. Its just too expensive to maintain a mortgage and house out west that sits empty, while we pay rent on the new place that the military decided we needed to move to, two provinces away. Not to mention Jack’s $1200/month pay cut, my $2000/month pay cut and you’ve got one struggling situation. I have enough to pay my bills (student loans + expenses + occasional dinners out) but just barely. I certainly am not making much in terms of putting aside RRSP contributions. But I digress. Back to the house.

I know very little about renting. I know that I hated paying rent, hence why we bought our house for the four years we were out west. It seemed to make more sense to be paying ourselves rent. Now, we have a nice equity built up in that little house, but of course what we need these days is some cash flow and not as much equity. My last renter was a subletter who stayed for four months but only paid for one (he bounced his remaining three post dated cheques), wrecked my solid wood antique furniture and was generally an AHOLE about the whole situation despite signing a contract. I swore I’d never rent again. Alas, I find my family financially in a situation to either take a massive loss on our house and move on free of responsibility, or to rent out again with higher stakes on the line. We also have an upcoming move next summer that will likely require a down payment, and hence, a second mortgage. Does this not make sense to anyone else but me? *sigh*

I was so tempted the other day to just be a stay at home wife. To have $25 000 a year paid to maintain the house, make the meals, care for the dog etc. $12,000 a year to debt repayment (those student loans from three degrees are crippling!) and the other $13 000 to various other household expenses. Jack said it was pretty tempting. I just feel like I can’t make enough money these days, my job is a contract temporary position (aka no benefits) so while it shouldn’t be so, the loss of our little girl actually cost us more money (lost wages, etc.). My last paycheque with the sick days on it was much less than I need to just cover my first of the month bills, let alone any extra to eat any food or put gas in the ol’ car. *sigh*

How did we go so fast from a combined income so high to one so low? Oh right, the military said so.

I picked up a shift tomorrow, so that will help, but still feel like I’m metaphorically barely treading water where I used to be able to relax on an air inflated floatie with an umbrella drink.

This will require much thinking, some reading online about rental agreements and rights, discussions of property managers and contingency plans… being a grownup really sucks sometimes.

In terms of life planning, am thinking of waiting until the new year to try again to have a baby. Jack says he wants a baby, as do I, but I don’t want to bring a baby into this mess… and I want to make sure I’m healed and healthy before hand so that baby has the best chance possible. I know I’m healthier now than I was a few weeks ago, and am working to lose the baby weight (I didn’t gain much but still, it needs to be worked back to baseline with the masters belly worked on a bit too) with swimming, jogging and hopefully resuming weight training this week. I feel good when I work out, it certainly helps the thoughts in my head become more organized and future focused.

I think I’m working my way through a mild depression. I know I’ve been sleeping 11 hours a day and needing it. I can get through a 12 hour shift but that’s about all I’m good for in a 24 hour period. I still find joy in daily life, but there is also a lot of anxiety and fear of the unknown.

Working on it.

FGirl