Why?

Have you ever wondered why we are here? I know, and it
isn’t fun or exciting or mystical. The answer is survival
of our species. It is just as uneventful as it sounds.
Once you pop out a kid you have fufilled your only purpose
in life and can die for all the world cares. The only
reason we are what we are is because we are better able to
have and raise children. We could all die at the age of
15 after popping out a few kids and it would mean the same
thing to evolution.

What is even worse is once you die the world will forget
about you. You have fufilled your purpose and are no
longer needed. Your ability to keep a clean house or have
lots of money means nothing once you are dead, and you
will die.

I almost think it would be better if life never existed.
It’s not like it would know.

I want there to be a god so badly, but logic won’t let me
believe it. I was happy then. Life had a purpose. I
could not die untill I had fufilled that purpose. My life
was to touch someone in some way that it would change
their life and help a bigger purpose. Now it is nothing.

If I die today no one will remember. I will be forgot.
Ryan will move on. My family will learn to put the past
behind them.

The pain I am feeling right now doesn’t affect anyone. I
have to keep it quiet or else I am crazy and suicidal.
Why do I exist when all I feel is lost once I find out why I
exist?

I could go out and live the life that I have but what will
that really accomplish? Fun is just a drug to help you
forget the pain for a while.

Even if I do magically do something that someone praise
after I am dead how does that help me? I am dead!! I
won’t know. Or mabey legend really is the only way to
live forever. Should I point my life towards people
always saying my name and remembering me forever even
though I won’t be aware of it? Or should I point my life
towards living in the now and not worry about being
forgot? Or are they the same thing?

It is 5:45a.m. and I am going to go to bed. Maybe the answer will come in my dream.

Sorry you are feeling so bad. Life does exist after death, I know because I can hear angels and spirit guides speak. Life has a purpose, even if we don’t always know what it is. Trust in love and that the universe supports and loves you unconditionally. Talk to your angels and listen for their love or maybe a little sign from them. Something new will come along for you, there will be someone.

zucchini

May 25, 2007

you know, in ways i do really agree with you. literally, logically… the purpose of our lives is to reproduce – in the bigger scheme of existance… i personally believe – through deciding and coaching – that you should focus on the now and not worry about being forgot – because like you say… we will be forgotten…those who are remembered are condensed into ideas, and assumptions…i think

that – to me – what i have decided to dwell on — what i hace decided matters is trying to be happy in ever ycurrent moment. i like the depth of havin, and contemplating kuch deeper thougyhts… but at the same time i think that it is much healthier and more enjoyable to try to extract the positivity out of life.. and i am a generally pessemistic person.. i almost believe that human existance =

tragedy – – but this is the way that i have beeing tryng to make myself think – – to make fun (being the drug that it is) cover a bigger span of my existance. i will feel better about my life if i can say that i didnt waste most of my time focusing on negativity.