The answers to my stress

I talked to my dad yesterday about my short depression.  I found out some very intersting things.

1. About the fear I felt when I looked at what I have wrote.

      I asked my dad about how I could write such angry things when I am not an angry person.  I also told him about how I am scared that that is the real me and now that I am going out, it is just hidden away.  He told me that depression is a state of hopelessness.  When you are in depression every thing is going to go bad no matter what.  You don’t want to do anything but you want to feal something.  He proseeded to tell me that at that time the things that I wrote where me.  That was how my brain was working.  Now that I am out of it my brain is working differently.  It has a lot to do w/ cemicals.

2.  Stress made me numb to fealing.

      When your body is under stress it releases adrinelin.  My stress was caused by money problems, and we have been having money problems for that last 2 years.  After a while of adrinelin being pumped into my blood constantly for so long I became imune to it.  Little things didn’t give me that rush anymore  That would explain why I wrote before that I wanted a butterfly to bring a smile to my face again.  It also explains why I felt so emotionless. 

3.  The lack of sunlight makes people sad. 

      I already new this but I didn’t know how bad it could get.  I was in a depression so I didn’t want to be around anyone.  the only way to not be around people was to sleep during the day and stay awake at night.  I would wake up at sunset and go to bed at sunrise.  I didn’t see the sun for who knows how long.

4.   I don’t know how long it lasted.

      I was trying to tell my dad how long I had felt like that and I realized that I honestly didn’t know.  It was anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months.  Nights blured into each other.  I didn’t know what day of the week it was.  Or even what week it was. 

5.   My lack of stress is making me feal like I am missing some thing.

      Ever since I got my job and got back in college I have felt like I am missing some thing.  I coudn’t figure out why everything was going so good and I felt so empty.  It isn’t the same emptyness that I felt during that time.  I feel more like I am waiting for somthing bad to happen.  Like how I use to feal when I did something wrong and I knew my parents knew but they hadn’t talked to me yet.  My dad told me that my body got addicted to the adrinilin.  I am kinda going through with drawl.  He also told me that that is probibly why my step-mom freaks out about every thing.  If she doesn’t have the stress then she doesn’t feal right.