Look right through me.

I want to cry.  I want to scream.  I want someone to shoot me so I can remember what it feels like to feel.  I want someone to understand me.  I want to accept that no one can because I can’t.  I don’t want to spend anymore nights wondering.  I don’t want to need to cry.  I want crying to make me feel better so bad, but I know it won’t.  I want the world to be wonderful.  I want to be happy.  I want to be sad.  I want to get out of my limbo.  I want someone to ask me why I am crying.  I want to have a answer for them.  I want to know how to play the violen.  I want to know how to spell.  I want people to not look at me as stupid girl who can’t spell or doesn’t know history.  I want people to know That I am good at science.  I want him to know that I can look at anything and tell him the physics of it.  I want them to know that I can disect any animal and tell them what every part is and what it does.  I want him to know that just because I don’t know how politics work doesn’t mean that I don’t have passion to make it better.  I want people to understand what passion is.  I want them to know that just because I don’t go out doesn’t make me lame or boreing.  I want someone to see the world through my eyes. I want to believe in god.  I want to see him.  I want him to fill my heart and take away my pain.   I want to have never met him.  Then I wouldn’t know what I lost.  I want to have a birthday mean somthing.  I want the sun to touch my face and warm it.  I want a butterfly to bring a smile to my face.  I want to be so happy I cry.  I want someone to look through me into my soal.  I want someone to look trough me and not just see the wall behind me.

I want…to know what I am looking for.