I guess things are going to be ok.

I got a job today.  I don’t know how I feal about this.  I am excited that I will once again be able to support myself.  On the other hand I am sad because I won’t have as much free time.  I also talked to Ryan about me finding the real me.  He let me talk w/out making feal stupid.  I am not sure if he listened though.  I asked him about it but he said he was just letting me talk and not inturupting me.  It was dark so I couldn’t see his face.

All in all I guess things are going good.  He is going to start helping around the house now that I have a job.  I still don’t feal anything though.   Maybe the relief of stress from having Matt move in and me looking for a job just feals like no emotion.  I am not use to not having to not worry about everything.  It was always "we can’t pay the electric", "my step-mom is mad at me", "the dog is sick".  Every thing is going ok, and maybe I just don’t know how to handle it.  Maybe I am so use to stress and fear that the lack of it makes me feal empty.  Maybe I am just looking or horrible things to fill that hole.

Writing this is to scary.  I am sorry diary but I think I need a break from you.  Or maybe this diary is just what I need.  I want time to think but the only time I think clearly is when I can write it down.