It’s Complicated

It’s complicated. That’s how I always describe my relationships because that’s how they always are. He’s great. We agreed when we first met it was like we’d known each other for years. It honestly felt like we were catching up after not seeing each other for awhile.  It was so natural. It feels right though.

And yet its so complicated. First off, he’s living in a few hours away, so we don’t get to see each other much…at all. What’s that? Weekends, you say? well, that was the plan, until he realized how much stuff he has going on in his life right now. It just sucks. He’s going to India. INDIA! What the world!?

Right, He’s originally from India and all his family lives there so he’s going back to see them, a cousin is getting married and he’s going to spend some time with his brother who he hasn’t seen in a few years.  I’m happy for him, I really am. I’m just sad for myself. We just met and now he’s leaving. But he’s coming back in a few months.

But he’s moving…..far….far, far away. As in, further than a car ride. Its more like an airplane ride. *Sigh*.  So where does that leave us?

Last week we tried one more time to get together and spend some time and it just seemed like stupid problems kept cropping up.  Then he seemed a little distant…so i asked him about it. He just said he was overwhelmed with all the transition going on in his life. Totally understandable. The poor guy is packing up his life, heading home for awhile, trying to secure grad school and wrapping up things at his current job.

It’s sweet though; our little conversations in the evening, the morning phone calls, the odd text. I know that next week all that will stop with him being on the other side of the world. I miss him already.  And yet, its so new…I shouldn’t feel so attached yet. I guess I feel like there is something great between us, and its slipping away. Its ridiculous, but sometimes I catch myself thinking about him and I have to bite back tears.  Its good, but its not going to go anywhere. 

The last time I saw him, when i got in my car to leave I looked over and he was just staring back. And I thought to myself, ‘This is going to hurt my heart." I wish I would have hugged him one more time; kissed him a little longer.