is change possible?

I’m so confused.

and hurt.

 

I knew Jared would hurt me.

But i was in denial.

I just didn’t think you could fake passion like that.

I really thought he liked me.

 

I want to change…I think?

I know I definitely want to mature, and become more responsible, start acting my age.

I want to learn how to be alone, without going out of control or letting my depression overcome my life.

 

I want to get my act together and start attending and doing good in school, I mean i am suppose to be graduating this year, thats definitely not happening.

 

I want to start keeping my room clean (how juvinial eh?) but seriously i live in a shit hole.

 

I want to wake up looking foreword to the day, instead of sleeping all day to avoid it.

 

I (maybe) should go back to therapy, one that works for me.

I should find the right medication.

and focus more on things i like, like photography and get those drum lessons i always wanted.

 

I really need to take action, its been 6 years of depression, 5 years of cutting, and then all the drug and alcohol abuse. Nothing is ever going to change until I start to try and change.

 

It’s now or never because if  I let this go on any longer I’m going to ruin my future.

I’m just worried this motivation wont stay.