home from the hospital.

So i was upset. Depressed. crying. a mess.

I cut.

about 8 times.

but the last one…

was deeeeeep.

very, fucking deep. deepers than anything i’ve ever cut in my life.

the blood poured out.

and i actually got scared.

it woudlnt stop bleeding.

i tried to put pressure on it,

but my hand just got covered in blood, which just got me more freaked.

i knew this was serious.

so i called my two best friends and told them what happened, and they agreed to meet me at the emergency room.

i got on a bus, yes alone, yes bleeding like crazy, yes at 4 in the morning.

i called my sister on the way there, and she called my dad, and he met me at the hospital.

we waited for ten fucking hours.

we got home at 2:30pm.

they ended up not stitching it shut but gluing it shut,

worst pain ever 😐

so i talked to the youth workers and such and they wanted me to admit myself to be an in patient (live there for a week) but i told her i couldn’t do it today (too all of a sudden, too scary) i told her i would do it after exams. I’m scared to do it though, i’m not allowed ANYTHING no phone or even an mp3 player. and i would get 3 calls a day, only family can visit.

We talked about options, i’m going to try to get cognitive behavioral therapy and go on meds.

i’m really scared, and it was really scary sitting there with my dad the whole time him knowing what happened, and he saw the cuts too, that was….awkward?

well i guess i’m on the road to recovery.