ex-best friend

No, not this again.

 

Fuck, panic attack.

Its been six months since my last one.

I forgot how terrible this is.

I feel like shit.

 

I don’t really know how i am suppose to feel.

 

I’m confused.

I’m alone.

I just want to skip this.

Go forword a couple years.

 

I ran into my ex bestfriend of almost two years today.

We’ve never talked about why we’re not friends anymore.

 

The reason is that one day she decided we’re not going to be friends anymore, met up with my ex, made out with him and told him i fake panic attacks and told him a list of everyone i slept with including someone who took advantage of me but left that part out.

 

I just found out all the things she did that day and was like "well i guess were not friends anymore"

 

We’ve threatened eachother since then, talked a lot fo shit, i have never hated or wanted to hurt someone so much in my entire life.

 

Then i run into her.

And she asks me why i have nothing to say to her when i see her when im by myself.

I ask her, what do you say when people ask why were not friends??

she says "i tell them we decided to stop"

 

I asked her why she did all these things to me, how she could make out with brendan.

She denies everything,

I had to go because my dad was there to pick me up but told her to message me or something if she wants to continue this.

She looked, hurt or something when she was saying all of this.

It kind of just brought up old feelings,

She was my best friend and she hurt me so bad.

 

I dont know what to do with myself.

We can never be friends again, but i miss the old times we had.

Shes not even the same person anymore.

But i miss the good times.

 

god i’m weak.

I’m shaking, i have a anxiety rash.

 

How am i suppose to feel?