Friends, Life and Love

Yes, I’ve been neglectful — neglectful of my diary.  For the first time in a long time, I’ve been consumed by friends, by life, and by love.  I hate that there’s been no time for OD.  I guess it’s saying something about your readers when several of them have contacted your best friend through MySpace just to get in touch with you…  I honestly can’t even remember when I last wrote or what I wrote about.  I wasn’t smart enough to look before I started this entry, but I believe it was an entitled Rejection.  At the end of it, I mentioned a boy that I had only just begun seeing.  It’s a funny story, actually. 

Several months prior, a guy named Bobby, who lives in Chattanooga, sent me a semi-formal message through MySpace.  I don’t always respond to uninitiated emails, but his intrigued me.  We quickly struck up a friendly conversation.  We talked about hot spots to visit on the weekends, past relationships, and current affairs.  He, at the time, was juggling a pushy ex while sleeping with his massage therapist, and I spilled my guts about my three-way relationship with Tammy and Jeremy.  The boy knew more about me (as I did he) than most of the guys that I have dated.

Eventually, he asked for my number.  He immediately called as I was getting off work that day.  We had a great conversation, but I expected that.  Hell, we practically knew each other inside and out.  That Friday, I had plans for happy hour and pool with Lisa.  Bobby called that afternoon, and I mentioned that we would be at CBC.  We both agreed that it would be a good time to meet in person.  He brought a friend, but by the end of the night, we were alone.  I was entranced by him.  We rode around for hours, talked, and stayed up until 6am exploring each other’s bodies.  It was nothing short of amazing.

I don’t think that either of us went into the situation with the intention of ‘dating’.  I thought he was funny and interesting, and I just wanted to experience his character in person.  He later told me that he also never expected a relationship to develop.  He just thought that I would make a great friend.  However, from the moment we met, we were pretty much inseparable.  We often joke that we’re ‘in each others’ heads’.  I can’t tell you how many times we’ve said the same things at the same time or randomly started singing the same line of a song.  At lunch one day at a hibachi grill, we even pulled the same fortune out of a cookie — "The thing you desire most is sitting right next to you." 

In the beginning, we both resisted on ‘labeling’ our relationship.  We didn’t even refer to ourselves as dating for quite awhile, and it, of course, was even longer before we decided that we were actually a couple.  Our friends called it long before we did.  Eventually, it was undeniable.  I had no interest in seeing anyone else and neither did he.  For the first time in my life, I had met someone who knew all my secrets, knew of all the skeletons in my closet, yet accepted me exactly as I am.  He embraced all my eccentricities and understood that beneath my wild persona, I’m a deeply loyal person.  For the first time, I wasn’t sterotyped.

My brother came to visit at the end of July.  Many of you might remember that the previous year, he submitted my resume’ to his company.  Well, during his trip, he confessed that he didn’t believe his boss ever recieved it.  He asked me to update the resume’ and resubmit it.  I have to admit, I was hesitant.  I was falling for Bobby — hard and fast.  After a lot of contemplation, I realized that I’ve made too many past decisions in the interest of other people rather than my own.  With a heavy heart, I sent the email.

A couple of weeks later, I received a call from Colorado Springs.  The HR rep, Amanda, wanted to set up an initial technical screening over the phone.  The first interview couldn’t have gone more smoothly.  I answered each question confidently, and by the end of the conversation we had moved on to music and travelling.  Heidi, my interviewer, ended the call by saying that she hoped to meet me in person in Colorado.  In about a week, Amanda called back to set up a second interview.  Rob had previously warned me that the second interview would be tricky.  It would basically be an oral programming exam.  He mentioned that if I didn’t know an answer, I should just be honest and say that.  He wasn’t kidding.  I truthfully didn’t feel that the interview went well at all, but it was the first of that type that I had ever experienced.  In all honesty, I was almost relieved.  If I got the job, great.  If I didn’t, it meant I could stay in Chattanooga and, essentially, stay with Bobby.  Why was this what I was so concerned with?

I didn’t hear back from ISS for a couple of weeks.  I had resigned myself to the fact that I had failed miserably on my final interview and that I wouldn’t get the job.  Although I was disappointed with my performance, I wasn’t terribly upset about not having to move.  One afternoon, while getting ready to meet Bobby for a night in at his place, the phone rang.  It was Amanda.  She apologized for not getting back with me sooner, and told me she just had a few final questions for me.  She asked me how I felt about traveling and what my salary requirements would be.  My heart pounded and sank all at the same time.  She said she still needed to get a final answer from the company owner and that, hopefully, she could call me the next day with a decision.

As I drove the twenty minutes to Bobby’s house, my head was jumbled with thoughts.  He already knew that I was interviewing for the position, but how would I tell him that there was a good possibility I would get it?  How would he react?  We had already discussed long-distance relationships, and neither of us had previously believed that they could truly work.  Would this be the end of something great?

As soon as I got there, we stepped outside to have a smoke.  I told him about the phone call, and he held me.  He told me that part of him didn’t want me to get the job, but that there was no way he would not let me take it if I did.  He said that he could never be that selfish, and he would hope that if he were offered an amazing opportunity, I would feel the same for him.  As we quietly sat there on the porch, my phone began to ring again.  I quickly ran inside to take the call.  It was Amanda.  She got an answer more quickly that she had anticipated.  I stepped in his room, sat down on his bed, and she proceeded to tell me that they were ready to make an offer.  She told me she’d email it to me, and I could get back to her the next day.  After I hung up, I sat there for several minutes, not knowing what to say, what to think.

When I finally emerged, Bobby was waiting for me in the living room.  I didn’t even have to tell him.  He asked me what they offered, but I didn’t yet know.  I sat down at his computer, and he walked outside.  He told

me he wasn’t ready to find out.  $18,000.  $18,000 more than I was already making plus full, company-paid benefits, money for tuition to get my masters, and four weeks of vacation and fully vested from day one.  All that could come out of my mouth was, "Oh, my god.  Oh, my god."  Bobby apparenty heard me, ran back in the room, and asked me how much.  I looked at him with a blank stare as I divulged.  He embraced me, congratulated me, and told me how proud he was of me.  Oddly, he had bought champagne for that evening.  It was a bittersweet celebration.

Over the course of the next month, we began to talk more about how we would handle the reality of my move.  We both agreed that we had something special that we couldn’t just throw away.  We, at first, decided to continue seeing each other while I was still in town.  That evolved to planning visits back and forth between Colorado and Tennessee.  Soon, however, there was mention of Bobby moving to Colorado himself.  He said that, if that were the case, he’d want to get his own place, but as we’ve grown closer, we’ve decided to live together.

The weekend before I left, my coworkers threw me a going away party.  We started out the night at Sekisui and wound up at CBC.  It was an amazing evening.  As the end drew near, we took a lot of pictures and shared a lot of memories.  As I stood off to the side, tears streaming down my face, Bobby wrapped his arms around me and told me for the first time that he was in love with me.  I already knew it, but I don’t think there could have been a more perfect moment than when he said it.

That Sunday, while drinking bloody mary’s at brunch, we talked about the 19 hour drive that was ahead of me.  Bobby was planning to, in the next month or so, drive to St. Louis to visit a friend.  I mentioned that I had to drive through St. Louis to get to Colorado Springs.  He made a call and a spur of the moment decision to follow me there.  We left that Tuesday, and spent one last night together at his friend’s.  I had such a hard time leaving, that I didn’t get on the road until around 2pm.  I had to force myself to drive away, and even then, I had to stop at the nearest gas station because I was crying too hard to see.  I made it Colorado Thursday morning, and I spent that night sitting on the floor of my empty apartment, sad and alone.

My weekend perked up, though, after receiving a call.  Bobby made another spur of the moment decision to drive the rest of the way to the Springs.  He showed up Sunday afternoon, and we spent a blissful ten days together.  We explored the city, made some more friends, and simply enjoyed each others’ company.  Saying hello again, however, also meant saying goodbye again.  It’s been nearly four weeks since I’ve seen him, since I’ve touched him.  We talk every single day, usually several times a day, and the last month has consisted of a lot of phone sex.  Oddly enough, we both feel that we grown a million times closer even though we’re 1400 miles apart.  I guess the saying’s true when you really are in love with someone.  He’ll be here Saturday, and I couldn’t be more thrilled!  I just want to be wrapped up in him.  I want to hear his heartbeat and feel his breath.  I just want to be with him.

I’ve completely surprised myself with the way I’ve handled this relationship.  My friends all tell me that I’ve officially become a girl.  I’m sappy, head-over-heels for him.  I’ve talked to him, Alsie, and Tammy about it.  You know, I loved David.  I was in love with David, and I’ll always consider him my first love.  But even he didn’t do this to me.  There was always some uncertainty about what the future held for us, and apparently, my intuitions were right.  With Bobby, my feelings are a sure thing.  Like I told him, I’m not a commitment-phobe.  I’ve never fought off my feelings in the past.  There just have never been feelings like this to fight.

Cheers,
Felina