Finished

I’m still a little confused about what’s happened over the last few days with Bobby.  After I wrote my last entry Wednesday night, I talked to Thor.  In previous conversations, Thor had mentioned that we wasn’t sure Bobby was being honest about what happened Tuesday night.  I never confirmed my agreement with that theory until two nights ago.  Thor told me he was going to try to get a hold of him one more time, and we hung up.  Not even two minutes later, Bobby called.

It was the first time I had talked to or heard from Bobby since the so-called accident.  He was completely erratic.  When I first picked up, he asked me my name.  He told me that he didn’t know who I was, but that "some guy named Thor" left him a message saying that his "ex-girlfriend is worried about him and thinks that he’s lying about being in a wreck."  He started yelling at me, telling me he didn’t even know who I was — who was I to say he was lying?  I kept  trying to get him to calm down to no avail.  One minute he was crying and the next he was screaming.  I asked where he was, and he said, "I’m standing outside of the car at some gas station.  My dad, or at least somebody who says he’s my dad, is driving me back home.  I made him pull over because I thought I was going to be sick."  I talked to him a while longer, asking him questions about the accident and him asking me questions about his life.

During the call, Bobby described the wreck to me.  He said that he was driving along the highway (which I am assuming was I-70) when a Yellow Trucking Co. diesel merged onto the road from an on ramp.  Bobby wasn’t paying attention, and the truck hit the passenger side of the car.  He said that the entire front tire and rim was ripped from the car, causing him to flip several times.  The last thing he remembers is lying in some grass and snow, and it felt like his head was crushed.  He couldn’t talk, so he sent a multiple-recipient text to me, his mom and dad, and his brother.  I scoured the internet for accident reports from Tuesday night in Colorado and Kansas and found nothing.

There were a couple of times during the conversation that Bobby said things that seemed just a little bit fishy, and I caught him in a couple of flat out lies.  When he mentioned that Thor had left a message, I asked him to tell me specifically when.  He said, "About five hours ago."  Wrong.  Thor left the message two minutes before he called me.  Thor also did not say that I thought Bobby was "lying".  Thor said, "Rachel made a good point.  If you were hurt that badly in an accident, how were you able to send her a text?"  That explains why Bobby mentioned the text message in his story.  When Bobby told me that he was with his dad, I asked him repeatedly to let me speak with him.  He flat out refused every single time.  I said, "If your dad is sitting right there, just hand him the phone.  I really need to talk to him."  He never let me.  At one point, he asked me why we broke up.  I explained the situation with the alcohol, and he responded with, "Huh.  Really?"  Then without thinking, he stammered and said, "Well, I was trying to clean my act up, and I got a good job.  That must not have been good enough for you!  You don’t sound like a very good person at all!"  How did he remember his brief job and the fact that he was trying to quit drinking if he didn’t even remember who I am?

Eventually, he hung up on me, but he called back about an hour later.  He again asked me my name, and told me that if I wanted to talk to his dad, I could call him.  I said, "Well, if you’re with your dad, can’t you just hand him the phone?"  He said no, that he was in the bathroom of a gas station, and that his dad was waiting in the car.  I could tell he was really in a room somewhere because I could hear the echo.  We talked a bit longer, and once we hung up, I immediately called his dad.  His dad practically refused to talk to me.  I asked him how Bobby was doing, and never would tell me that he was in an accident or that he really was hurt.  The only thing he would say was, "He’s going to be okay.  He’s going to be just fine."  He told me he’d have Bobby call me when he was feeling a little bit better, but I explained that Bobby told me to call him.  I said that I was a little confused about the situation, and he cut me off.  He said, "I don’t really want to talk to much while I’m driving.  I’ll have Bobby call you when he’s feeling better," and he hung up.  Okay, so if Bobby’s dad is supposedly taking him home to Chattanooga, then how is Bobby sitting in a gas station restroom while his dad is driving?

After all of this, I talked to Thor.  Thor told me that I really need not worry about Bobby.  He stressed that to me.  He told me that Bobby has confided in him about a lot of things, and he promised not to break his trust to him.  I asked Thor what he really thought about what’s going on, and in his words, "You want to know what I think?  I think something is going to come back and bite someone in the butt really hard.  That’s what I think."  Enough said.

I put the situation out of my mind all day yesterday.  Bobby never called or text messaged me.  This morning, however, I had an email from him waiting for me:

Im doing alright. Everything is still jumbled up in my head.  I dont really remember anything, so  I cant talk about it. I have been sleeping alot. I have not told anyone what has happened, and I dont think that I am going to. Everything will be back to normal for me in a few weeks. I checked my phone and I got a message from Thor, and he said that you didnt believe what had happened. I dont need to try to convince anyone of anything, it was a extreme thing to happen to anyone, so I will just let it be something that will come back to me over time, or at all.
I figure that in a few days, I will text you,to try to get some of that time back, until then, I need to get back on my feet, and find out what my next step will be forward.
Im sorry that you have been worried, but at least you know that I am okay.
In the future,I dont know that I will want to talk about this. I dont know how else to describe this, its never happened to me before. Just know that it will not be something that I will like to discuss,its too much I guess.
Besides all that, how have you been?
Is work still kicking your ass?
I’ll talk to you later, have a good day and I love you.
Bye for now,
Bobby

He hasn’t told and isn’t going to tell anyone because none of it really happened!  Also, why does he suddenly remember his email password, his MySpace password (he logged in today), Thor, my work load, and the fact that he loves me?  I talked about all of this to a fave this morning, and she came up with a really great conclusion.  Bobby might’ve had a mental breakdown or tried to hurt himself on that long drive home.  That would explain why Thor and Bobby’s dad are refusing to give me any answers — they’re trying to protect his pride.  I know I would do that for my best friends.  Nonetheless, I haven’t responded to his email, and I probably won’t.

In other news, I went to a sex toy party last night at Stephanie’s.  I haven’t gotten laid in a quite awhile, and I wasn’t even free to masturbate in my own apartment when Bobby was there.  The "Slumber Party" was exactly what I needed.  I bought a bottle of toy cleaner; a jar of X-Scream, a buttercream icing flavored cream that stimulates the skin and nerves where you apply it; and the Triple Treat, a three "pronged" vibrator.  I went to the gas station at 10pm last night (in my pajamas, no less) just to buy batteries.  I tried to find a picture of the vibrator on their website, but I think it’s one of the products being moved out to make room for the new collection coming in March.  Anyway, I’ll have to take a picture (of just the vibrator, silly) for you all this weekend.  Also, I finally got to meet Tammy’s brother (Stephanie’s husband).  He’s been Iraq, so I’ve never gotten the pleasure of his aquaintance.  Can we say hot?  I should’ve known.  Look at his sister…

Tammy’s drama has certainly not subsided, either.  She and Jeremy got into a huge blowout fight last night, but I haven’t gotten the chance to talk to her yet.  She was already at work by the time I left the party, and I accidentally left my phone at home today.  I suppose I’ll try to call for the details when I get home this evening, but she’ll probably already be on stage at Graham.  All I know now is that he is still denying his current affair even when he confessed it to his step-mother.  Oh, and I think Tammy threw things.

Let’s see… what else?  I completed a massive project at work today.  It was the first major assignment that I’ve been given since I started.  Most of my work so far has been improvements to already developed features and working out the bugs in other peoples’ code.  This, however, was a completely new addition to our software.  I thought I was going to have another few weeks to work on it.  Funding was low for this project, so my supervisor had asked me to only work on it half-time, meaning I could only spend 20 hours per week on it.  He asked me on Monday when I thought I could be finished, and I answered with the 1st of February.  I was honestly worried about finishing it by then, so you can imagine my panic when he told me it really needed to be finished by today.  However, I buckled down and got the job done.  I submitted my work this afternoon, and when I showed him the finished product, he actually said, "Wow!  That’s awesome!"  Yay, me!

I had a fabulous sushi lunch today with several coworkers.  Tonight, a bunch of us are heading to a lounge up on the moutain overlooking the office.  There will be a jazz band with food and drink specials.  I’m pretty stoked about it.  I’m shedding my homebody skin and joining the social society once again.

So today, I’m finished.  I’m finished with a lot of things — some good and some bad.  I’m finished talking about Bobby and his addictions and his psychological issues.  I’m finished worrying about whether or not he’s going to be okay because he’s no longer my responsibility. I’m finished being a loner, never leaving the house.  I’m finished being depressed and sad and all of the other bad feelings that have crept into my heart and mind lately.  Today is the end of one week, and tomorrow starts a whole new life.

Cheers,
Felina