And Now We Turn To Rachel For Breaking News

If I could only count the inappropriate things that have come out of my mouth lately.  I think I’m an addict… a sex addict.  No, really.  It almost passes beyond a fascination, a desire.  It’s almost a physical need.  It’s been two months since I’ve gotten laid and three months since I’ve had good sex.  The last time I went through a dry spell like this was right after David.  Ironically, the person who broke the spell was Alan.  The situation was that of the one I described in my last entry.  Like I said before, I had never done anything like that in the past.  I had never met a person with only my sexual intentions in tow, but all it took was his invitation, and I was making plans to meet him the very next week.  This is what happens when Rachel gets no nookie!

Here’s a recap of a few of my recent conversations.  I don’t always mean to say these things.  Sometimes they just spill out of my mouth before I’ve even had a chance to think about them.

Snippets of a conversation with a fellow diarist that I’ve ‘known’ for years:

Him: *cough* i just spit water all over myself.. Thanks! ya know.. somekind of "WARNING NAKED RACHEL PICTURE" header would have been a great add to this. focker. *grin*

Me: I wasn’t completely naked! Well, I was, but that’s what I cropped out, damn it! Lol… And no, no date Saturday night. Oh, the things I do when I’m bored. Want to drive out and be my arm candy for a night? Hee!

Him: I have been known to drive that far on a whim. I’ll totally be arm candy. doesn’t candy get eaten?

Me: I just about spewed Mt. Dew all over myself. Not because of your candy comment, but because of the response that immediately flashed in my head… "I usually only like the kind you can suck on."  Wow. It’s like a reflex for me or somethin’.

Him: rawr! my mind is going to places it shouldn’t be going while i’m at work. bad rachel! how many licks DOES it take, to get to the center?

Me: Dude, my brain’s been in a bad, bad place for weeks now. This is what happens when Rachel gets no nookie.  It doesn’t take very many licks for me to get to the cr… Hmm. Should I even go there? Haha.

[Obviously, I was about to say "cream filling".]

Snippet of a conversation with my elementary school sweetheart and Senior prom date:

Him (left as a comment): I just woke up from having this most amazing dream. You were in it and you gave me a massage, and it felt pretty good. Thanks.

Him (in a survey sent directly to me): 2. Last time you talked to your crush?
kinda right now because I am replying to her questions

Me: Aw you have a crush on me? 😀 About that massage… was it actually good? Lol. I usually suck at those. Well, I guess it depends on what I’m massaging. Dude, I totally just realized how obvious it is that I haven’t gotten laid in a while… Please excuse my crudeness.

Him: I have had a crush on you since Ms. McDonald’s class. What was that…3rd grade? I don’t know why I dreamed of you. Uh, I guess because you are my crush, but it wasn’t like a real long massage or anything. It was like just a flash of you doing it and it went away, but I remember thinking in my dream, "aahhhhhhh, massage from Rachel, aaahhh, nice…" You know, those kinds of dreams.

Me: I love dreams. They can be completely random yet so insightful at the same time.

Snippet of a MySpace convo with an Air Force hottie:

Me: So, where might I be lucky enough to see you out on a weekend night?

Him: dont have weekends off i will be out on this Fri in denver but when i go out usually we go to the thirsty p and dublin house ohh and the ritz hmmm sometimes eden and vue

Me: Boo on no weekends off. Haven’t been to Dublin House yet, but I like all the other places. Especially Eden. I like the music there… and the stripper poles. Haha. Just kidding. Okay, maybe not entirely…

Him: you know what im a fan of the stripper poles i just dont know why haha

Me: Haha, I actually have one. My damn friends gave it to me for my birthday a couple of weeks ago. You should’ve seen my retarded ass trying to check that thing at the airport…

Him: can i see it lol

Me: Well, that would require you coming over to my apartment, and that would require me getting to know you a little better first. 🙂 Ah, what does the future hold…

Him: it holds me seeing your pole wait that doesnt sound right at all

Me: Hmm… yeah that sounded a little funny. Now, if I were saying it, it would make more sense…

Message that I sent to the wife of a coworker.  I work directly with the husband, and he and his wife are swingers.  She’s made several interesting comments to me directly. "You need to work on that southern accent while you’re in Nashville.  It’s so sexy!"  "When you first started [at my job], my husband came home and told me that a really hot girl started work with him.  He was right."  Until now, I’ve never reciprocated:

Me: If anybody would get a kick out of this, I thought you would. My friends in Nashville bought me a present for my birthday… a portable stripper pole. Ha! I think they bought it as a gag gift, but little did they know, I’ve secretly been wanting one for years! I was just looking at all of your pictures. You two make a hot couple. 😀

I don’t know if you remember Jack, but he’s the boy I was absolutely smitten with after Alan.  He’s the guy that I mentioned I really liked, but it never went anywhere.  He’s recently been sending me messages and leaving picture comments telling me how beautiful I am and that he misses me.  He also left me a candy heart on my page for Valentine’s Day.  I left him a comment on MySpace this morning:

Me: Aw, thanks for the candy heart… even if it was a little late. You know, we should’ve gotten together again sometime before I left. 😉

Let’s see… what else?  I sent a dirty picture to another diarist last night, and of course, there was the infamous phose sex episode Friday night.  In addition, I spent hours on the phone last night talking with Alsie about her wild weekend and the number of orgasms she had.  Not helpful, but oh, so fun!  

That reminds me.  There are very few people that I could give my diary name to and trust to actually keep it a secret.  Two, to be exact.  I’ve been thinking lately that if something were to ever happen to me, I’d like somebody to have access to my OD to share it with the world.  Think Cruel Intentions-esque.  Last night, I gave my OD name to Alsie.  She already knows every single thing that’s happened in my li

fe.  I’ve never kept any secrets from her, so it was only natural to give her possession of the key.  She has started her own diary, and I asked if she minded me posting her name for you all.  You can read her at ChancellorOfPeace.

I mentioned yesterday that I’m a member of a dating site, True.com.  I’ve been a member for years, though my account had previously been disabled.  I reactivated it when Bobby and I split because I knew there would be a whole slew of pretty, new boys to take a gander at.  Well, there’s one little annoying feature about the site.  True sometimes sends out ‘winks’ on your behalf to people they think you would be a good match with.  Apparently, I match up well with fifty and sixty year old men.  Even though I have the feature turned off, I keep getting emails from guys well out of my prefered age bracket thanking me for looking at their profile, winking at them, or whatever.  Some have even gone so far to try to set up dates with me.  Um… no.

I emailed Army boy back to let him know I’m in for meeting up for drinks, but he hasn’t responded yet.  We shall see.  I’ll be at the Yukon Tavern having drinks with a local artist Friday night, too.  I’ve been talking to this guy ever since I moved here.  He’s never hit on me.  Only added me on MySpace because he was looking for a younger crowd that would be interested in coming to a show.  He messaged the other day to invite me and my boyfriend to Nocturnal Mockery in March, so I had to break the news that I was no longer coupled.  I was careful not to lead him on in any way because I had no idea what he looks like.  He only has pictures of his art on his page.  However, he just emailed me a picture.  No attraction, whatsoever.  I’d like to hang out with the guy as friends, but I’m afraid he’s going to be hoping for more.

Breaking news:  My boss is going to be coming down to talk to me sometime this week… about going overseas.  At first, I didn’t think I’d even consider the option of going to Iraq or Afghanistan, but that was when Bobby was in the picture.  Now, though, I’m single.  I’m not in a relationship, and it’s not like I have any kids.  If I’m going to do this, it’s the perfect time.  I’ve already talked to my brother about taking my cats for the three months.  The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realized that this is an opportunity to help people that really need it.  This is also a huge opportunity for me to advance my career.  Oh, and I can’t forget the pay.  Not only would I get a nice salary increase and time and a half overtime for the 80 to 100 hours I would be putting in each week, all of it would be tax free.  I figured it up, and I would bring home a little over $38k at the end of 90 days.  That’s more money than I made the entire year in ’06.  Do you know how many bills I could pay off with that money?  I could pay off all my credit card debt and about half of my studen loans.

Nothing’s been decided yet.  I’ll let you know how the talk with the big man goes.

Cheers,
Felina