A Bottle of Pinot and Fashion Faux Pas

Have any of you seen that new pregnancy test commercial?  The ad displays the slender, rotating stick before a midnight blue background, showcasing the new, improved digital readout — "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant".  The announcer speaks smoothly with a quite distinguished voice, "The most technologically advanced test… that you will ever pee on."

Weird.

I’ve been so ridiculously busy this week.  I’ve been slammed with two new projects, both with impossibly close deadlines.  Unfortunately, I haven’t been very productive at work because of the numerous meetings regarding my upcoming travel.  I’ve met with coworkers who’ve already been overseas and HR reps to discuss payment and travel plans.  I’ve had to schedule three different doctor appointments for the next month.  One for a dental checkup, one with a gynecologist so I can refill a four month supply of birth control pills, and one for a physical and shots.  I haven’t had a shot since before I started kindergarden.  Now, I have to get flu, typhoid, smallpox, tetnis, and hepatitis A shots all in one day.  You’d think that with as many tattoos and piercings as I have, it wouldn’t phase me.  I have to admit, though, that I’m a little nervous about it.

I do officially have a deploy date.  I’ll be leaving April 15th, and I should return at the end of July.  I’ll be flying from Colorado Springs to Chicago to Frankfurt, Germany, to Doha, Qatar.  I’ll probably get stuck in Qatar for a couple of days because all transport from that point on is by military aircraft.  It’s not like I’ll have a scheduled flight.  I’ll just have to wait until they can fit me on a plane.  Besides, I have to get my work visa while there.  Fortunately, my company has an apartment in Qatar, so I’ll have a place to stay.

Out of curiousity, I checked an archive site to determine what I could expect weather-wise.  Last year’s average temperature for June and July was 110 degrees.  In July, the temp topped out at 123.  Nice.  At least I won’t have to deal with Arkansas humidity.  I’m also already feeling the effects of cultural differences.  I have a buddy flying with me all the way to Qatar.  Though he’s continuing on to Afghanistan, we will both be staying at the apartment while waiting for flights out.  I was informed that I wouldn’t be able to wait with him for a taxi.  Women are required to wait in a separate area from the men.  This is going to be interesting.

My cousin, Matt, recently spent a year in Iraq and will soon be returning.  My Aunt sent my mom an email yesterday with a few words of advice.  Mom forwarded a snippet of the conversation.  "Tell her to check her bed often for little critters trying to find a cozy place to sleep… and I don’t mean men.  But should she find one of those in her bed, do as she pleases.  Haha!" 

I’ve also spoken to several military friends that have spent time overseas.  All were men, and all have said the same thing.  Terrorists are the least of my concerns.  I need to watch out for the lonely, sex-deprived Army boys.  Here’s hoping.  Apparently, the ratio of women to men in Iraq is about 1:1000.  My hot coworker (whose swinger wife I’ve recently been chatting up) commented, "Women who are a five in this country are, like, a ten over there.  You’d be an eighty or ninety!"  Interested much?

In other news, artist boy has been been blowing up my phone and my MySpace.  He keeps making comments like, "I know I’m not your type.  If I were your type, though, I’d definitely ask you out."  In fact, he sent one text that said, "I should’ve gone to the martini bar with you Friday night.  I wasn’t sure you wanted me to go, though."  Hmm, maybe he thought that because I didn’t invite him.  I opted for 15C because he and his friends had comedy show tickets.  This is why it’s so hard for a female to have guy friends.  I often get along more easily with men than I do women, but men can never seem to keep the relationship platonic.  Trust me.  If I’m interested in you, you will definitely know.  I’m not a shy girl, and I have no qualms about making the first move.  I don’t play hard to get, and I’m an easy read.  You thought I was going to say "easy lay", didn’t you?  Admit it.

After this stressful week, I opted to stay in tonight.  I’ve been watching a "What Not to Wear" marathon, and I just finished off a bottle of pinot.  I might go out on the town tomorrow night, though.  The Nocturnal Mockery art show is going on, and afterwards, I might head back down to 15C.  I’m thinking a tiramisu martini would just melt away the anxiety with a little chocolatey coffee goodness.  Oh, yes.

Cheers,
Felina