Online Dating

I don’t write here as much as I would like to and its strange because I really only get the urge to write here when I have been drinking some wine.  For some reason wine gets me to want to open up I guess.  I have been thinking a lot about dating lately.  I do write here a lot about how I am alone and I would like to meet someone but it just hasn’t happened for me yet.  I also am not entirely sure I want to all the time.  Tonight I said to my sister who is happily married and has 3 beautiful girls who I love more then anything, that I am not sure I can be in a relationship.  I think that is because I have been alone so long now, that I am very comfortable and set in my ways.  How do I fit someone else in my life at this point when I have been alone so long.  I have dated, and had the friends with benefits but I haven’t been in actual relationship for years.

A lot of people have told me lately that I should be online dating.  I am not sure it is for me.   The few times I have tried, men instantly message me and just want sex, and it scares me away and I quit after like two days.  I mean I like sex just as much as the next person, and I am horny all the time, but I feel like sex should mean something.  I don’t need a dating app to have sex, and I am great at pleasuring myself, I want something more then just someone that wants to get laid.  I am so tired of men that just want to fuck you as soon as they meet you, that is just not what I want, and I don’t need an app for that.

Some people I know have had amazing experiences with dating apps and sites.  A friend of mine who never had any intention of getting married and just liked dating, met someone online that ended up winning her over. Are dating sites and apps legit? can you actually meet someone that way?

I have always just wanted to meet someone organically, but when I do its the same thing.  Men that just want my big ass and someone to have sex with.  I don’t know, am i just meant to be alone?  Its hard at my age of 35, people just expect you to be married and have kids by now.  I have always felt like I was meant to be a mother, but I don’t want to just have kids with anyone.  I am at the point I have given up on that dream.  I am not sure what is meant for me anymore.

I feel like a broken record.  I am sorry that I keep talking about men and wanting to be in a relationship.  I don’t even know anymore.  Everything I had planned for my life or the way I thought life would go in my early 20’s is not at all what has happened but I have definitley learned a lot in my 35 years of life.

I don’t even know anymore what my life is supposed to be.  I just know its not what my life is.

So my question for you is this.  Is online dating worth it?  Which dating apps are good?  I don’t even know anymore.