I just don’t understand men………

I’m extremely frustrated today with men lol i know such a surprise for me to be frustrated with men (sarcasm)!  But i just don’t understand them, and i’m tired of dealing with them. But i will get to that in a min.  I’m going to start this entry off on a positive note.

I had a great weekend.  I went to Grand Bend with some family and friends on Saterday.  Grand Bend is a beach that is about 3.5 hours away from my home.  It was hot and sunny and we had a great time.  I love going to the beach but there are a couple things that make it challenging for me.  The number one problem being that i am allergic to the sun.  Yes, it really sucks, being allergic to something that you can’t really get away from.  I’m not allergic to the point where i can’t be in the sun but i often have to be in a shady spot, or reapply the highest sunscreen every 15-20 min.  The sun makes me break out all over if its exposed to the sun and after that, the only way to get rid of it is to keep that area covered for a week and that means staying out of the sun or wearing long sleeve shirts and pants, which in the hot weather is no fun.  When i break out it is so irritating, its so itchy and painful.  But you can’t imagine how happy i was that i did not break out on Saterday.

The second reason it is so hard is because of my weight.  My weight doesn’t bother me that much cause i am very confident in who i am but its hard when u can’t wear the bathing suit you want.  I cried the other day while in a change room trying on bathing suits because as dumb as this may sound i sometimes forget how big i am.  It just kind of hit home when i was trying on the bathing suits and it really affected me, but i got through it.  Its not like i will be this weight forever, i will lose this weight and was actually given a lot of motivation today :).  I’ll tell u why in a min.

Yesterday was also a good day.  We had my niece for the weekend and my mom and i took her to my favourite place ever, African Lion Safari.  I’m such a kid when i am there, and i love it.  My niece is 2 1/2 and it was her first time there , she loved it.  It made my day seeing her enjoy it and even better enjoying something that i love too.

The part of my weekend that i hated, was i made a really stupid mistake and i feel like such a fool.  I have had this male friend in my life for a few years now.  I care about him a great deal, and have always wondered how i feel for him more then friends but to be honest have never had a fair shot at finding out.  I know i am attracted to him, that is not even a question, but i don’t know if i feel more then that or i am just lonely.  Him and i have had this wirlwind relationship, where he will decide he wants to date me and take things slow and see where it goes and then will turn around and get together with someone else.  It seems to be a constant thing.  He hates it when i date other guys, he gets jealous and upset, but at the same time he doesn’t want me, because if he did then he wouldn’t be going for the other girls.  We had a huge fight awhile back and stopped talking for awhile and now we are friends again and i’m happy about that, but i let him sweet talk me this weekend telling me he changed, telling me how much he likes me and wants me and feels like he is ready for me, and i finally give him a chance to prove it after he kept telling me to trust him and he turns around today saying he is going back to his ex gf.  I’m so aggrivated i can’t even begin to tell you how stupid and foolish i feel.  Its been a long time since i have found a good guy. 

I don’t understand men, i dont’ understand why so many men go for the women who don’t have jobs, don’t want a job, are needy, dont treat guys that well, live off welfare by choice, don’t have any goals in life, and are high maitenance, when i am a beautiful, respectful, honest, caring, woman who is going places in life.  I work very hard for what i have, and i have many goals in life that i want to achieve yet i’ve been single for a long time now and i’m ok with that but i feel lonely sometimes.  I took a break from guys awhile back because i was tired of the way men treated me, and decided to get things on track and now that i have done that, and i am ready to meet a good guy, there is no one around.  Please someone out there please tell me why such an amazing woman like me can’t find a good man?????

I have been feeling lonely lately.  It doesn’t bother  me to be alone, but i see my sister and brother both happily married, i see my friends getting married and having children and its hard.  I want that special someone to share my life with, to have that constant support and companionship from another human being.  My mom says i am too picky and that is why i am alone but i don’t feel that i am.  I have certain expectations but i dn’t feel any of them are out of line.  I want someone who is respectful, honest. caring and treats a woman the way she deserves.  I want a man who puts his family first, remembering that his family and friends are special people in his life and will not make me his only priority.  I want a man who has goals, and ambitions.  I want a man who is going to school towards his career, has a decent job or is in the process of finding one.  I just want an all around nice guy who will treat me right.  I don’t think its too much to ask.  I don’t know, i just don’t understand men anymore, but i’m going to continue doing stuff for myself and we will see what happens down the road.

I know one day i will find a man i can love and will have children with, and i will continue to be patient for it.  I’m not in a rush, and i do want to date around and take things slow but i haven’t even had any good prospects lately.  I will stay positive because that is all i can do right now.  A lot of things seem to be going wrong for me lately that i will talk about in a later entry but all i can do is stay positive and keep moving forward. 

Anyway i’m done complaining about  men for now, but you all know it won’t be long before i complain again lol.  

Love u all

Alana