Social Avoidant’s Conundrum

I am lonely and long for human touch and affection. I have spent all weekend within my four walls brimming with desire beyond aroused. I have had to imagine myself with strangers engaged in explicit encounters, devoid of intimacy. I am not satiated, I am imprisoned by myself.

Tomorrow, I will go to work, ever the faithful, on my drugs that keep me docile, paste on my smile and sigh with relief that the weekend is over. Friday nights are the worst, guaranteed to make me melancholy.

I wish I had someone I could call, be with, that would listen and would touch me.

Even if I did, I am paralysed by my distrust, I would never show that vulnerability, never ask for anything, never trust that anything would last.

Once bitten twice as shy, or in my case, twice as likely to avoid any real human contact.