Sistas

Our brothers and sisters are there with us from the dawn of our personal stories to the inevitable dusk.    Susan Scarf Merrell

I wrote about my brother’s death in my old diary many times and how my grieving for him has changed my life. After having so many "poor me" entries in the previous chapter in my diary, I thought it would be a nice change to actually talk about something that does bring meaning to my life and that is that I do have these amazingly close people in my life.  It is five am and I have two out of my three younger sisters staying with me for the weekend. Billie is now 12 and Georgia is 13.The eldest Amber, 19 has come back to Sydney for the next two weeks to work during her University break. She has gone to Canberra for the weekend to see her boyfriend.  The younger two are both in a deep sleep in my bed as I type away during my insomnia. They both look so serene except when they talk in their sleep, as I do too. I am like their mummy. They crave seeing me on the weekends.

Amber is just like I was at her age, so different to me now. She is in love with life, except when she is shitty and then she is like a grizzly bear to be around. She studies drama (I studied art) and has no clue about what she is going to do at the end of her degree to support herself. She is far more self confident than I ever was, even though on the surface, I probably appeared to fit in better at school and uni. There was a period earlier this year where we were not getting along so well, I could see her doing things I used to her at her age, like smoking dope, taking drugs and generally not being disciplined with either study or work. However, the last time she came down we went for coffee in her fave cafe in Glebe and we had a chat. I told her about how much my mental health has been impacted by drugs over the years and that I didn’t want her thinking that partying wouldn’t catch up with her at some stage. She had failed her last semester and had started to experience some depression. Since then, we have had long distance phone calls every night and have recovered our closeness. Amber and I share a passion for theatre, music and art.

Georgia is the pretty one in the family and up until now has been probably the least academic. Although, she is starting to get some amazing results at school. She is probably the one that looks up to me the most. I remember that when she started high school when they returned to Sydney from living in the country that two boys had asked her out and she didn’t know which one to pick. I told her she didn’t have to pick either, that she should just be their friends for a while and see where that lead to, no rush. She took my advice. I’ve told her that it didn’t matter what she ends up doing when she leaves school but that she needs to discover that discipling yourself to spend time every day doing the thing you are passionate about will lead to true happiness. She is probably the most self conscious and sensitive of the three. If she had it her way we would be each other’s shadow.

Billie is the comedian in the family. She has the ability to crack up kids and adults alike with her running jokes. I would love to see her get into standup comedy. She also writes and draws like me. She wrote a 50 page book + pictures when she was 10 that made me laugh until I cried. She has been like this since she was a small child, a keen sense of the illogical and ridiculous side of life. She is probably the most independent of the three and reminds me a lot of my brother Marty who was also extremely gregarious. The other thing that cracks me up about Billie is that she has never been a girle girl like Georgia or Amber. I guess 20 years ago you would have called her more tom-boyish. Wherever she goes she wears jeans, trainers and a cap covering up her long hair. She is onto her second boyfriend and I asked her last night what her secret was in being so popular with the boys. She said, Blue, it is all about just being yourself and not worrying about what other people think. I’m 35 and on an intellectual level I have known that for a long time. I wonder why I still don’t get it on an emotional level.

The strange thing is, we have only ever called each other sisters, even though they are my half-sisters by law. These are three people I can be truly thankful about.

Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet.

Vietmamese proverb.