Serendipity

"Though it is important to stay focused, an occasional distraction can sometimes be a good thing. There is much value to be found in the unexpected. The people you didn’t expect to meet, the places you didn’t expect to go, the things you didn’t expect to learn can often lead you in new and positive directions."
Ralph Marston

Two years ago, I went to a barbeque held by my friend Andrew. It was a birthday party for his one year old son. It was there that I met a friend of his, A. He had a girlfriend at the time. She spent most of the day inside and he spent it outside to talking to a group of people which included me.

Andrew recounted to the group how he met A. Andrew and his wife had moved to a new neighbourhood and they could regularly hear one of their neighbours laughing. The person’s laugh was loud and utterly contagious.

Andrew found himself sitting at home, laughing to himself, when he could hear his neighbour laugh. Andrew has a wicked sense of humour and probably thought that this person would be an easy target for one of his many dirty jokes.

Eventually curiosity overcame Andrew and he took a beer over to his new neighbour’s house and he introduced himself to him. The two have been firm friends ever since.

Ordinarily I dread meeting ‘new’ people. However, A. and I chatted well into the night. We had an interesting conversation and by the end of the night we were both in absolute thigh slapping fits of laughter.

People tend to laugh at me when I laugh. I lose all self consciousness when I am really tickled by something. So by the end of the night the two of us had the whole of the group laughing along to both of our stupid laughing.

We had an easy discussion that led to a very funny drunken game of charades.  I remember thinking to myself at the time, “that would be right, I meet some one I like and he has a girl friend”. I tried to not think about it any further as I knew it would only depress me more.

One year ago, we were due to meet again at the same event. Leading up to the birthday party, my friend Andrew told me that his friend A. had been very keen on me when he met me last year. I asked Andrew why he hadn’t said anything to me about it earlier and he told me it wouldn’t have been appropriate given A. had a girl friend. I really trust Andrew, so I told him that the feeling was mutual and that I didn’t mention it to him for the same reason.

Andrew proceeded to tell me that his girl friend wanted to move to Melbourne and have a baby but A. wasn’t ready for that commitment to her. He told me that he was considering ending their relationship as he wanted to stay in Sydney more than he wanted to remain with her.

I was very nervous the next time I met A; I was still attracted to him but also conscious that his girl friend was still around. I was still in the depths of depression during this period and made no real effort to speak to him. He walked towards me and said, “Hello blue”. I was so nervous, I said “Hello….” And paused, I had a mental blank about his name.

He tried to make conversation but I was feeling flat and I just couldn’t fake interest in anything. I guess I was showing him the other part of the real me. 

Later that year, Andrew told me that A. had broken up with his girlfriend and asked whether I be interested in seeing him. I probed Andrew for some information regarding what A. was looking for. It appeared that he wanted to get himself back on the market. He was planning to go out with a number of girls and that he wasn’t interested in settling down or having kids at this point in his life. During this period, I had made a promise to myself that I wasn’t going to waste any time with someone who wanted to spend time with me just to have sex and nothing else.

I told Andrew that although I really liked him, I wasn’t going to pursue the opportunity. I was looking for some thing else. I didn’t just want to be some one’s consolation prize.

Andrew called me this week to see what I would be doing on February 24. I asked, “Isn’t that a Saturday?” He reminded me it was his son’s birthday and asked me if I would like to come along to celebrate with another barbeque.

I said, “Sure, do you want me to send an e-mail to the rest of the team?” given that they had all been invited on the previous occasions. He said, “No, I am not going to invite the rest of the team this time mate&rd

quo;. I said, “Well you better make up the numbers with a couple of your single mates”. He said, “A. is going to be there, on his own. I thought that you might be more comfortable talking to him, without the 20 other people who report to you watching with interest.”

I thought that was sweet of Andrew. Although I am his manager, we are good mates and he always says to me that he can’t believe that I haven’t been snapped up by someone.

I feel as though I am in a different frame of mind compared to last year and am actually quite excited about meeting him again. However, now it is for a different reason. After losing my friend M, to unrequited love after 10 years of friendship, I had thought about replenishing my store of male friends. I really like being friends with women and men.

If he asks me out, I am not going to take it too seriously. It is just two relatively new acquaintances going out to get to know each other better. I might at least get a new friend out of it. Any friend of Andrew’s is a friend of mine. He is PLU – people like us.

"Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you’ve found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for."
Lawrence Block