Mustard seed of happy gas

"I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must have been from you".

Ashleigh Brilliant

I don’t own a computer any more, hence the protracted absences.

I spend more time reading than writing in here these days.

I said in my first entry that drugs and shrinks weren’t helping me.

I was wrong. I have been on medication and seeing a Dr now for about 3 months.

It is helping. The fog [major depressive episode] is lifting. I have laughed and smiled more in the past 3 months than I have in the past 3 years.

This is despite being diagnosed with bi-polar and be scared shitless about what that means.

I have only had one crazy long manic episode when I had my first diary here, blue of noon.

Now that I am taking happy pills I am hitting a crescendo again.

I go from years long paralysis to magical thinking in a matter of months.

I just have to find the flat line in between, or maybe not.

Dare I say, I have been feeling hope and have sought connection with a few people from my past.

To my old faves, thanks for stopping by.