A love of letters

“There cannot be a sense of abundance or the experience of prosperity without appreciation. You cannot find beauty unless you appreciate beauty. You cannot find friendship unless you appreciate others. You cannot find love unless you appreciate loving and being loved. If you wish abundance, appreciate life.”
William R. Miller

I am thankful that on the day before finishing work prior to the Christmas break, my manager pulled me aside and gave me a significant salary raise 3 months prior to the annual review in recognition for the work I have put in this year. I can’t believe how much I earn now, it is baffling. Perhaps this year, I will be able to save enough money to get a deposit to buy a home of my own. This is something that the last three generations of both sides of my family have not been able to achieve. I have had to move house well over 35 times in my 35 year life time.

I am thankful that I am able to afford to share the rent of a beautiful house. I can afford to rent the lifestyle that I would never afford to buy on my own. I am thankful that the two men I live with care about me, even if they are at times very emotionally clumsy straight blokes. When I woke up this morning, I had time to tidy my room, vacuum my house, wash and iron my clothes, talk to the two guys I live with before they go away for the week and have them offer to help me with the house work. They also thanked me for the gifts I had bought them both.

I am pleased to report that I resisted the urge to give them a list of things to do around the house. Instead I said, “No, I think that once I have finished the vacuuming we are all good”. I was then surprised to see this lack of direction seemed to inspire them into spring cleaning activity within their bedrooms. They both independently began to go through their clothes to sort out what needed to be binned and what could be taken to the charity bin.

I am thankful that I spent time with my Canadian friend today. She had spent Christmas day alone (by choice). I was able to give her some clothes that I was going to give to charity and she was very appreciative. I also gave her the two Christmas gifts I bought for her, sat on her lounge room floor and talked to her for a few hours prior to going to Newtown to see Babel at the cinema. When we came home she cooked me a barbequed T-bone steak. I don’t really eat red meat very often any more but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

 

“As any change must begin somewhere, it is the single individual who will experience it and carry it through. The change must indeed begin with an individual; it might be any one of us. Nobody can afford to look round and to wait for somebody else to do what he is loath to do himself.”

Carl G. Jung

 

I am going to give some thought to New Years Resolutions tomorrow, as I have been very successful in sticking to them in the past 2-3 years. Each promise I have made to myself has significantly changed how I now live my life and consequently the quality of my life. I have to face it. I love discipline. Yes, even that kind of discipline.</span

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On a completely different tangent…I long for letters by snail mail. The only letters I seem to receive in my post office box these days are electronically generated by banks for pre-approved loans and credit cards, insurance companies and other junk mail distributors. Occasionally, I receive a note to let me know a package that I have ordered over the internet has arrived. I have to go to the back of the post office at 6am, knock on the door and convince the mail sorters to fetch the package for me, as I can never get there during their normal opening hours.

 

I have a file of letters that I have saved throughout my life from people who have been important to me. This seems to end abruptly at the time e-mail entered my life in 1993. Now, the last record of correspondence I have is a CD of e-mails sent to me by an old boyfriend in Canada. They make me reflect on our first few long distance telephone calls, hearing his breath, his accent, his longing a time zone away.

 

"And none will hear the postman’s knock without a quickening of the heart. For who can bear to feel himself forgotten?"

W. H. Auden

 

I have a reoccurring dream about receiving good news in the mail, treasure, secrets unlocked and lost money found. One of my favourite fantasies is receiving a love letter. I frequently check my post office box in the vein hope that I will receive a letter from a secret admirer. Hand written letters, lyrics, collages of images, text, photos, different types of paper really do it for me.

 

"Sir, more than kisses, letters mingle souls. For, thus friends absent speak."

John Donne

 

I had shared kisses many years ago with B which I have not forgotten, however the letters… I mentioned them to him the other day and he immediately quoted passages of a particular letter he had sent to me 18 years ago. His soft kisses were blissful in the passing moment, I remember them with detachment. His letters remain imprinted in my memory and stir the same sense of thrilling anticipation as they did when I found them in my post office box.