Mommy, You’re Beautiful

I grew up believing my mommy was the most beautiful woman alive. But every time I told her she was, she would give me this sad look and say "I’m not, sweetie. But you are the most beautiful little girl in the world. Don’t ever forget that." My eight year old brain was trying to figure it all out. If my mommy wasn’t beautiful, then how could I be? Everyone said we looked alike, and if I thought mommy was beautiful and she wasn’t, then how could I see myself as beautiful? Did I just not know what beauty was?

To this day my mom won’t call herself beautiful. Today she was getting ready for an old friends wedding and she had a beautiful dress on and she just looked absolutely gorgeous. But as I helped her pick out jewelry, I would catch her looking in the mirror with disappointment, sadness, and self consciousness. I kept telling her how beautiful she was and she STILL wouldn’t believe it. I just wanted so badly for her to see what I saw. Because I learned from her that no matter what people say, I’m not beautiful. At least, that’s what I took from the whole situation. It’s something I still struggle with.

But I know it’s not her fault. She is just one in a cycle of women who can’t look in the mirror without seeing every microscopic flaw. But I am going to stop that cycle in my life, today. I will look in the mirror and see the qualities I’m blessed with. When the light shines just the right way, my eyes look orange with a ring of gold. After years of growing it out, I finally have hair "as long as Aunt Tiffany’s" like I have been wanting since I was younger. My lips are even in size. There are beautiful things about me, just like there are beautiful things about my mommy, just like there are beautiful things about you. 

If I ever have a daughter someday, I will look her in the eye every day and tell her, "Sweetie, you are a beautiful little girl. Just like your mama, just like your grandma, just like your Auntie Alana, and just like every other girl out there." I want my little girl to know how beautiful she is, and I want that to be what is passed on to everybody in the future. Not the clouded, misguided belief that we aren’t beautiful in some way.