Numb

I can’t feel anything right now, nothing but the pain of my heart shattered into a million pieces. 

I have tried, lord I have tried… but I am done. I have no hope. I have no reason, no purpose. And now I find that I don’t know what to do. 

I just want to grieve. I want someone to understand… that it is a process and it’s completely normal, but people don’t accept it and want you to get over it. I know they don’t want to see me in pain, because they care. But, I say fuck you. It’s how I feel. I can’t just get over it. Hell, it just happened yesterday… Let me run away, hide, scream, cry… Let me question myself. Instead, I have to put on a mask and act like everything is ok. I have to be the person I say I am… because people don’t know how to deal with it. 

The truth is, I am lonely. I am scared. I opened up my heart. I can’t control it, I can’t change it.