Letting go and letting god

so very hard to do!

I had a plan… years ago to move to the country to be close to my family. My mom moved there after retirement and her battle with breast cancer. I moved to the big city just after her diagnosis. She begged me to go and make something for my life. I agreed but only until I got my masters and fulfilled my contract. That 2 years turned into 4. Then 4 turned into 11. And 11 turned into 15. Which brings us to now. Something has always prevented me from moving there. My ex and I broke up, I wanted to graduate the 1st class I started with. Then, I bought a house and took 5 years to fix it up. By that time, I met my husband. We decided to put the house on the market and move to the farmette. That’s when I learned I was pregnant and needed to stay for the health insurance. Then I needed to stay through her first year for insurance. Then our country changed… so again, we couldn’t move.

Last week we went to look at a house in a neighboring state. I fell in love online and in person… it’s possible to do it but it would be at the top range of our budget and it’s another fixer upper… we put in an offer and got a counter. This has put wayyyyy too much stress on me and we don’t even have an accepted offer. I start thinking of all the change and the good and the bad. I’m all over the place. Earlier his evening, I was content with my decision to stay here… in our current home. Then I spoke with my mom and step dad and realtor too. Back to a whirlwind of emotions that has me literally sick. I should have good butterflies… not nausea inducing stress. My husband tells me to stay because he doesn’t like how stressed I am. I agree with him. I just need my body to as well… ughhh.

When I started this post yesterday, I was intent on getting an accepted offer… today, I’m praying that they don’t accept it!