Having a rough weekend

Remeber about a year ago, when I found out my ex passed away…

well, I ran into his best friend yesterday and had some questions answered and talked about his life.

One of the questions I had was if he really felt the way I thought he did about me. His friend told me that I was the first girl to bring around and hang out with the guys. It was just something he never did. That it spoke volumes about how he truly felt. That put my heart at ease, but it hurt just that much more. I told him about the fight we had… he said in his heart of hearts, he knew that we would have smoothed things over and that if he were still around today, we would all be hanging out and that our love would have grown.

I told him that I was across the street from the funeral home and that I couldn’t go in. He asked why, I just couldn’t. It made him realize that the feelings were reciporcated. Something I wanted his friend to know. That I truly did care for this man and that I felt there could be something more.

There is nothing now, because I am the one standing alone…

My best friend has no idea why this affected me so much and why I am still feeling pain. But it isn’t for her to understand. It is a judgement she places on me because she never knew what we shared and never will.

I just need to get these feelings out. Somehow I think he can hear my words… it sucks…

oh and one more strange thing. While I was talking to his friend, I told him that pete had passed by building and I had seen him out of my window. His friend asked when and I told him it was the sat. he died. His friend asked what time I saw him and then proceeded to tell me he had already passed.

After talking for a while, we hugged and both kept from breaking down in the street. There was so much pain in that hug… He told me not to be a stranger and that I should come and hang out… we’ll see.