Enjoying the company of others
Today began like the last few… confused with dreams. I often wake up grumpy after I have had profound dreams, sometimes I am unsure of how to get myself out of the funk.
Anyhow, I finally decided to do the right thing with an aquaintance (sp?) of mine. I met him at the dog park, a friend of mine was interested, I invited him over so she could get to know him. Long story short, it didn’t work out at all. After a week or so, he started calling me twice a day and sometimes three times. As summer vacation began, I needed time alone to sort through my bullshit with work and get my head on straight. I told him this, he was concerned, blah, blah, blah. He made another poor decision, which Iced the cake. He continued to call, but I ignored the calls. And yes he still called two and three times a day. Finally, he got the hint and stopped. However, I felt bad because he wasn’t really doing anything but trying to be a friend. So… after I got calm, I spoke with him today. I explained that when I say I need time, it means I need time and that he should respect my boundaries. It went well, although I could tell he was hurt when I first arrived.
Next, I went home and cried my eyes out because I am depressed about a stupid boy. Just when I was about to give up on humanity, my next door neighbor invited me to have a drink. She was just the thing I needed and had all the right words to say. She really lifted my spirits more than I thought would be possible. So, now I am back in my happy place.
I am a worrier, and sometimes I don’t know how to stop. I get myself all worked up over things and then have a tantrum in my head or alone in my room and then I am over it. Sometimes it takes an hour, sometimes a couple of days. The bottom line is I don’t like the little fantasies I create to get myself there in the first place. Anywho, my neighbor said a few things to get me to think. I don’t know why her saying it made it so simple, but they are the same things I have heard all of my life, maybe today it was just the day to kick in.
1. Don’t worry about the things you can’t change, and change the things you can.
2. There is nothing wrong with me.
3. Other people are going through their own shit and sometimes aren’t thinking about how they affect others.
A validation of sorts I suppose, but the bottom line is I miraculously came out of my depressed mood. I felt better and it is exactly what I needed. I have really been trying to be in a better place and attract good. I have begun being real again. Like the first story above, I don’t like being ignored for reasons I don’t understand. I had to face the reality that I was doing that with someone who was only trying to be concerned. I had to get over my anger at the situation first, but I felt much better after I said it. It was coming from realizing myself and actually sharing it with others. It made for a better understanding.
It’s funny, I am rambling but I have a lot to get out here, lol. A very good friend of mine, once told me that she needed her own time and that we were spending a little too much time together. I was hurt, dreadfully hurt, because I thought she was ending the friendship. The more I got to thinking about it the more I realized I was the same way. I needed time away from people. I also realized at that point that unfortunately schedules don’t always mesh the way we would like and that people have their own agendas. Lessons learned slowly but surely, lol.
Save more thougths for later journals:)