if my life were a tv show

things would work out.

like in dawsons creek where pacey breaks up with joey because "she makes him feel bad about himself" or something.

but eventually they ended up together.

i don’t believein god but i always had such strong faith that me and michael were supposed to end up together…that we’d make it through anything together..

these past days have hurt so bad not only because of the breakup but because of all the issues i’ve ever had in my life…it’s all hit me..

and i’m back to being kelly’s sister..or karen’s daughter..or even bobby’s daughter..

never lisa..

but with him i was lisa.

now who am i?

the least popular family member..

not that i care about being popular or liked.

but i am so closed off from everyone.

he opened who i was up and let me be happy..

my whole life that i’ve been pretending to be happy

but i didn’t have to pretend with him..

i just was.

genuinely.

now i’m like i was before but i’m worse because i actually lost the one thing i ever wanted in my life.

i have never been so deeply depressed. never. and thats saying something.

my stomach literally doesn’t want food..

i think its shrunk..

i can’t listen to music because everything reminds me of him.

i can’t do anything because it reminds me of him.

i used to pretend to be happy.

now i don’t even want to pretend.

i want everyone to know

i’m lisa. i can’t be fixed. i’m broken.