still living in limbo…

Pleased to get a date for a custody hearing…. this Tuesday morning… but …. taking off my brave smile I use… for a moment… really pissed off that the boys and I have to travel to the city (800kms), we all miss school/ classes to ask for a formal agreement/ acknowledgement for what I have been doing unaided by their father since the day they were born… Terrified the court will force the little one to spent time with his father as his father is a complete psychopath… and little one is not well and needs such careful supervision and nursing care… It is amazing he has survived his father’s insanity at all.. with all the crazy-dangerous things his father made him do on the farm…the constant threats he makes to ‘take’ the boys (destination undisclosed) doesn’t help my fear factor…

We have now officially run out of money too, and will have survive on limited income and careful budgeting ( hate, hate – SO adore luxuries…) and so have to drive to the city and back again, staying in a cheap motel…. It’s a good thing and a bad thing, I don’t have a job at the moment… return airfares for three are still double the price of petrol and accom (I lie about having two children with the accom and smuggle one in past reception…).

Stupid man suddenly decided to attend one lawn bowls match with Mr14 yesterday, second time he has done this… I think the last time was 3 years ago… Mr 14 has been playing for 4 years.. his father couldn’t be bothered to even provide transport for this…. except that one time…. the week before the custody hearing, he does this! Yeah, right….

Oh, and recieved the end of the month bank statement for the farm business overdraft account (as I am landowner, I have to guarantor the loan repayments….) Despite him ‘topping it up’ with over $50 grand of pulled investment money, he has, again, overdrawn the loan limit of $250 grand and he has now, officially, run out of money too, and credit, and, of course, has stopped paying child support.

As he was paying the child support out the business overdraft loan for which I am responsible for, I am not sure how I feel about it… mainly pissed off, I guess, at the whole situation he has put me and his own children in….

When we were living together and he started being stupid with money I would, hide the cheque book, but he would just order a replacement one from the bank. i would sometimes be able to hide that one too. thank goodness he was too stupid to work out how to do online payments…

My shift key is dicky… or my little finger is weakening? Try to make capital ‘I’ s!

Also… while I have my ‘smile’ off… Earliest date for the property settlement court hearing is February next year!! My solicitor says, unless he can settle out of court, but the likelyhood of that is nil… as he still isn’t shifting from his original offer of 20% me 80% him… which I couldn’t do, even if I wanted to as I actually legally own at least 50% of the land… as business partner… Even his own solicitor can’t deal with him, he has said to my solicitor….

Now that he has managed to spent every last cent and also caused damage to machinery that may have been saleable but is now unusable, the possibility of him buying my share of our land is gone… so court will probably have to award my share in land and broken machinery….. I don’t know what will happen…. I just know that it will take me years and lots of hard work to clean up the mess he has made of our farm… the rubbish (wrecked machinery, noxious weeds, fallen fences, dead stock, broken water lines etc etc..) is unbeleivable…. a rough visual estimate? 10 semi-trailer loads of scrap metal??? crazy

putting my smile back on… I will survive this… just in limbo ….