love affair..

Surgery went well.

Had the date, and more time together, and had the most intense, amazing lovely love affair I have ever had.

Had everyone that we both know (which is the entire district) SO excited that we got together – all voted us the ‘perfect match’.

I have to admit, that it was pretty amazing and special… and to find that kind of love at our ages…. very precious.

But it is over….

My ex did a very good job of it, give him 10/10 for stalking and harassment.

As my lover explained, if he didn’t have his three teenage children (that he loves more than life) to protect, things would be different. 

My ex visited us today under strict police escort. Have to admit that it serves him bloody well right.

Kids are really upset – they really enjoyed the company of my lovely lover and his family and friends. Especially how he included them so naturally and easily in all their activities. Mr14 was friends with his Mr16 anyway and of course his girls instantly adored my little charmer Mr9 and spoilt him rotten.

Me, I am devastated. I have texted my goodbye a couple of hours ago. Had to text, I try to talk – I cry…

We were in that bubble….. you know that bubble of love and dreaminess you are in when you are in love? Well, now it has burst.

Except that I feel like it was stomped on and I got smashed into tiny little pieces in the process…

Finding it very hard to find the courage to continue – my life is really difficult at present – and he was something in my life that was helping me to hold it together and give me hope and courage.

Have had to move house yet again, and have booked a removal truck this time as I have no one to help me. Coming Monday so have to force self to pack everything ready.

Run out of savings and am trying not to panic yet about finances…can’t work much as I have to be with the kids as the ex is scaring them too. Not to mention me…. (and my nice man’s children….)

Hoping one day I will find happiness again… I have experienced a little bit of it lately and have developed a craving for more moments of joy.

Holding love in my heart with some happy but far too brief memories of moments…

Praying for courage, resisting the urge to just hide in a hole somewhere….

byee