new week, same ol’ shit

on top of everything else, one of my receptionists seems to be really trying to stir the pot with the other receptionists under my supervision. she’s mad that her raise wasn’t what she hoped it would be (i don’t blame her – i was mad that the reception pool raises weren’t what i expected them to be, especially after all the rising costs in food, gas, everything), and now she’s just trying to get her co-workers riled up. she’s mad we will have to work tomorrow in spite of their being a snow storm coming, she’s mad that some clients need help out to their cars with purchases, she’s mad that i have to enforce the dress code* and, when i try to do so, tries to make me mad because my supervisor undermines me and “goes over my head all the time”. but it isn’t all the time, it was once, and it was because i was out of the office.

i understand that shit is frustrating – i wish we could’ve given everyone a more significant raise – but the fact of the matter is, it’s out of my hands, it’s out of my practice manager’s hands – and being a twat to me won’t change a damn thing, except my attitude towards you. we are co-owned by a corporation and that corporation has proven time and again that their only concern is profit. insert austin powers “yay capitalism” gif here. again, it isn’t that i don’t agree, or sympathize, or any such thing. i’m the one who’s always saying that if none of us show up they’d have to do something. but trying to spread dissention definitely isn’t going to help her cause.

in other news, i really need to find a new job, a new hobby – maybe just run away and start a new life? i feel like, if i don’t do something soon, i’m going to be stuck, permanently. i don’t seem to have any useful skills, i’m not getting any younger, and even the things i thought i was doing okay at, i’m not. so like. what is my purpose? is there any such thing? would i be happier if i could let go of such romanticized ideas? probably.

and meantime, things with my boyfriend seem… better? but he also seems uncomfortable giving me the time i need to like… heal? work? get comfy? is it so wrong to not want your partner to fall in love with other people? and having him tell me ‘well, i can’t guarantee i’ll never catch feelings again.’ well then i can’t guarantee that i’ll never have misgivings or hurt feelings. like? i’m only human. i can’t make those kinds of promises any more than he can. i think we would both need to try.

anyway. fuck my life, can’t wait for anything good to happen – that would be great.

-AJ

*the fucking stupid dress code that no longer allows us to wear dresses. this affects me more than anyone else since i literally don’t own pants, so again, i get the annoyance, i just don’t like the vindictive way she is trying to stir shit.