i think i’m just going to have to break up with him

because he really can’t stand by anything he says, he obviously doesn’t give half a shit about my feelings, and there’s no sense hoping to change him.

after another, i dunno, two weeks, he decided to ask me what he could do to make me feel more comfortable. and i basically said, ‘i find it really suspicious that you’re even asking me this, because i know it’s because you’re just chomping at the bit and because you find it so appalling to be monogamous with me.’

he said it wasn’t appalling but i said ‘well whatever it is, you can’t wait to not be doing it any more.’

and since he was pushing, i spat out some rules at him.

1. no more sleepovers
2. no seeing the same person more than once a week.
3. no more sexting people while i’m literally next to him in bed (which made him make some annoyed sigh – fuck you, dude).

aside from that i told him to do whatever he wants.

he was then unhappy because i seemed upset and i told him that his feelings aren’t my responsibility and that sometimes you just have to sit with bad feelings because that’s part of life. he then said he was afraid he’d lose me, and he’d broken everything.

that was two days ago?

he has a date thursday. with the person he was going to stop talking to, then didn’t stop talking to. he wasted no time, for someone who was so concerned about my feelings less than 48 hours ago.

a week ago he wasn’t even going to see his friends any more. but then saw them twice in one week (this was fine, i never wanted him to stop having friends – i’m not a monster).

and now he’s back to this.

so all this is to say, i think i’m going to have to break up with him. coz i can’t do this and he obviously doesn’t give any fucks about my feelings, since he was incapable of respecting my need for time, my feelings, etc. and since he’s been paying meaningless lip service throughout. for some reason, i feel like i deserve better than this. we’ll see.