Fifteen: Decisions That Make Me Happy

You all are so motivated, I’m jealous.

Motivated

Reading all of these diaries, I forgot how much power I used to have over myself. You all are able to not eat anymore, and I disgustingly shove food in my mouth every day. I have decided that I found my motivation again.

Starting right now, I will not eat anything for a week. After cleansing my body, I will eat around 500 calories to begin with. This will shock my body into starvation mode without getting too sick. After that, I will have another fast for a week and repeat my routine.

The semester is ending in about a week. This will give me plenty enough leisure time to deal with the nausea and fainting involved. I hope to reach my goal weight by January.

I remember when I was 17 and prom was approaching. I weight 100 lbs when it was Spring Break and by the time the 9 days were over, I was at 94. I didn’t gain that weight back either. I kept it at that weight for almost a month. I remember having self-control over myself and I will again, soon.

Starting now.

No back lash. Please accept my choice.

You don’t know how bad I am hating myself right now. I will do anything to be thin again.

I want to thank my fellow ED community for giving me the strength and making me realize what I am doing right. I don’t think that people understand the recovery process of an anorexic. I am not in recovery, even if the scale says so. My mind is in the worse state its ever been in. I need this.

Sincerely
Katrina