Issues

Thinking about intimacy. Can’t sleep. It was a touchy subject with the ex. She had unwritten, unspoken rules about it. Give all the kids you’d think it happened a lot. But it didn’t. Over time I realized that she didn’t like it. Thought it was messy and gross. She didn’t like her body and didn’t see why I might like it. There where places I couldn’t touch. Things I couldn’t do. I had to figure it all out by trial and error. She wouldn’t talk about it. Eventually I learned that she saw the act (like she saw me) as a means to an end. And if she didn’t need the end results, then she didn’t need to perform. That’s how she saw it.