I Forgive But I Won’t Forget

My dad and I got into another fight…

Except this one was different.

I do not even remember what instigated the fight; who threw the first punch. But soon hurtful words are flying through the air like missiles.

The thing with my dad is that once you start a fight with him, he won’t stop. Before, when I was much younger, I would just sit there and take his accusations, but since I’m older and therefore stronger, I stood up for myself. Over the years, I have slowly but surely become less afraid of my dad, and yesterday I proved it. But honestly, I may have stood up for myself and defended myself, but his words still pierced me. I’ve never felt so hurt before in my life. The things he said…I won’t ever forget.

Another thing with my dad is that he tends to use any means necessary to hurt you. He’ll bring up past mistakes, call you names, whatever it is he has to do in order to bring you down, even if some of his accusations aren’t true. He’s a proud man who believes he’s always right. He won’t listen to anyone because he believes he knows everything and is so wise that he’s never wrong. The sad thing is, is that when it comes to his children, he’s hardly ever right.  

My mother had stood off to the side, staring at me. I knew what she was thinking. "Drop it. You know how your father is." I’m sorry, mom, but I won’t take his abuse anymore. Even she knew that he was crossing the line…and that he was breaking my heart…

He actually once drove my brother to run in front of a car. They’re were having a heated argument and my dad said some things that were just really detrimental and my brother, knowing my dad is stubborn and won’t ever admit that he just might be wrong, ran in front of a car. Luckily the car halted to a stop and my brother was unharmed. The fight was my dad’s fault.

The fights I’ve had with my dad before, none of them can be compared to this one. I’ve seen him angrier but I have never seen him so mad over nothing. When I was around 15, he actually caught me sneaking out of the house, and had slapped me so hard, I had to take a personal day from school the next day because I didn’t want anyone questioning my purple cheek. He was completely enraged that day. Fortunately it was the only time he’d ever been physical with me. But yesterday…yesterday there was no need for the things he said. He made me feel so dirty, so wrong. Never thought he’d have the courage to say some of the things he said…to his own daughter. All because he can’t admit he’s wrong.

After I couldn’t take his yelling anymore, I took my car and drove away. I didn’t come back til much later that night. My mother had tried calling me many times throughout the time that I was gone but I never answered. When I got home, I went straight to my room. He didn’t try to speak to me. My mom did but I told her I didn’t speak to anyone that night.

My relationship with my dad, needless to say, has deteriorated since that fight. We speak but not much is said. The words he said to me replay in my head over and over again each time I glance at him.

Yes, I have forgiven him but I will certainly never forget what he said.