letter2

So I tried to be your friend again, and I tried to hang out.  But it seemed like you just apologized to make yourself feel better or something because you hadn’t changed, you still treated me the same way, you had gotten back into things that I was disappointed in, and we had less and less to talk about.  Then you asked me to go to Cozumel with you.  I was so blown away by it because you had asked me, even though it seemed as though I was your last choice because no one else had any money.  I just figured that maybe we could have some fun together and maybe we could get some time in to talk to each other or something, and it’d help us be close like we used to be.  So I scrounged up all the money I could and went with you. But while we were there, you proved to me that you didn’t want to have any fun with me.  You’d go to bed early and when we would make plans you’d change them, you didn’t have the time or patience or something.  So I let you sleep.  I let you prove to me once again, that I wasn’t worth your time and even though I was sad, I tried to have some fun.We got home and I just gave up.  I gave up trying to make conversation, I gave up trying to invite you out because you’d just leave anyway, I gave up trying to be someone I wasn’t for the sake of not embarrassing you in front of your real friends, and I gave up wondering if our friendship was ever going to work out.  But the one thing I didn’t give up on is caring for you.  And it may sound hokey or stupid, but I didn’t Koren.  I meant everything I said in that birthday card, and I mean everything I say now.  I still love you Koren, and if you do need anything, I am just a phone call away.  I will still be here if you need something.  We may not always be the best of friends Koren, but I will still always care a great deal for you, even if I am an embarrassment or if I’m boring to you. You showed me how to be a better person, and because of you I am who I am now, because in the beginning of our friendship, you gave me confidence.  I just wish that you wouldn’t think bad of me because that’s the last that I think of you.  I just realized that we grew apart, and as hard as it is to admit, I didn’t want the pain to drag on anymore. I hope you find yourself Koren, and if you already have, I hope you’re happy.  I’m not saying that to be vindictive, I really mean that.  Because after all the pain you’ve had in your life, you really deserve it.                                      Sincerely, Heidi