I’m getting married!?

So I’m marying Josh!  Yep, that guy that I used to talk about in this diary.  Very weird how things turn out!  He proposed Thursday morning at about 2:30am.  It was probably the funniest proposal ever.

So he works late, his work schedule is 3-11, and I’ve recently changed mine to 11-8 so that I can see him more often.  So it’s Wednesday, middle of the week, and I decide that the weekend is to far away and I want to see him, so I went over to his place.

I get there and he’s naked in the bathroom shaving, just about to take a shower.  : )  I give him a kiss and tell him I love him and go and watch some TV waiting for him to get out of the shower.  When he was finished, he came over and sat next to me in his towel and he was hugging me and telling me that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me and all of this. 

Now.. to get a clearer picture of this and some better understanding… I’m going to give some background.  I’ve decided that I never wanted to get married when I was younger, and I’ve never thought about marriage really.  I mean I’ve thought about being married but not the actual wedding and I never really wanted kids too much either.  It’s weird I know, So Josh knows this.. but his dream in life is to be married to a green eyed girl (I just happen to have green eyes by the way.. kinda funny)  with a pretty name and to have at least 2 kids.  So… I think our relationship is a little reversed… : )  He wants to settle while I want to just live together.  So I told him that if he was to ever propose it’d have to be something great and overly romantic to get me to change my mind and we’d have to be dating at least three years… Anyway, so almost back to today, for the past 2 months he’s been making me think he’s going to propose and tricking me.  He’ll take me out to dinner and have something in his pocket to make it look like he has a ring and then when I go for it and grab it it’s his cell phone or something…. and this went on for quite a while… and so back to the story.

Anyway, so here he is talking to me in his towel on his couch in his living room at his appartment.  The news is going in the background ("so and so was found dead today after a drive by".. yadda yadda… very romantic setting.)  And he’s cuddled all up next to me telling me these sweet things.  How he can’t see himself with out me and all of this, and I start cracking up.  I mean laughing until I am crying and he’s like, what?  Why is that funny?  Thinking that I’m laughing at him, but I turn to him and say, "You know, it would be really funny if you proposed right now, I mean you’re naked for gods sake! "  Then he got this look in his eye, and I looked at him and said.. "Oh hell no, you better not propose to me naked!"  So he says "Well then, let me go and put some pants on."  and he tried to get up but I held him back.. but not for long.. he’s been working out so he’s much stronger then I am… and he goes into his room.

So normally this kind of talk would stress me out and make me nervous, I was a little nervous b/c with Josh you just never know, but I figured it was going to just be another trick.  So he comes out in his pajama pants and has this huge lump in his pocket.  I look up at him and say "yea ok let me pull out our cell phone"  So I reach into his pocket and pull out a zales box. 

Ok… now I’m freaking out.  Partly b/c I’m pissed that he proposed to me "naked"  and partly b/c it’s the most un romantic proposal I’ve ever heard of in my life, and partly b/c I just wasn’t ready!  And I’m also freaking out b/c I know he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with… this just makes things a little to serious for me.  I don’t like the idea of divorce and all of that and I just feel that I need a little more time with him to feel ready I guess.. Anyway, So I’m freaking out. 

I was like, this better be the box from my promise ring!  I better open this up and there better not be a ring in here!  and he says "  Heidi, the box to your promise ring was much smaller.. and it’s at your house remember."  So, I start crying and fall to the floor (I do this when I’m overwhelmed I guess, never noticed it till josh pointed it out… so he calls me his little collapser (sp?))  So he starts laughing at me and telling me I’m cute, and I know it’s nervous laughter b/c here I am crying before I even see the ring.  LOL  So I open the box, look at the gigantic ring, and close the box as fast as I can, and start crying again.  I tell him he’s a bastard and now I’m laughing and tell him I wasn’t ready for this and he takes the box from me and gets on his knees, and so I push him over!  LOL and we both start laughing.  I tell him to wait b/c I’m not ready yet, but he’s stubborn just like me and he get’s back on his knees and proposes.  "Heidi, will you marry me"  So I take the box from him and close it and hold it closed tightly in my hands and try to decide.  He’s nervous as all hell… and so am I. 

So I start crying again and he comes over and hugs me and says, I want you to tell me the truth, and he goes and gets the other ring b/c he got me a set… they’re both huge!  I think total there are 14 diamonds on these babies!  and he tells me that he just wants an honest answer from me.  So I sit and think… *I know I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy and I know I want to marry him… but I’m not ready.  I can’t say no b/c he’ll think I don’t want to marry him and he might not ask me again.  But I can’t say yes to something I’m just not ready to do.*  So I look at him, and I think of how it would be if I was not with him.  If I had to be without him and that finally hit me.  But I still don’t answer him but it’s not like I’m doing it to make him crazy, I just forget that I have to!

So now he’s taken the box from my vice grip and is now telling me to put the ring on just to see how it feels.  I put it on and it’s the wrong size.  LOL and he tells me it’s my fault that he couldn’t get it sized right b/c I woudn’t come into a jewelry store to get my finger sized.  I’m stubborn like that.  I put it back in the box b/c it doesn’t fit and give him this huge kiss and tell him I need a cigarette.  So we go out onto the balcony and we’re talking a little about it all… and I just stop and realize… OMG… I’m engaged!  It hits me and so I yell it at Joshua.  LOL!  And I guess it finally hits me that I was supposed to answer him back when he asked me to marry him about an hour ago and realize this is the first sign of acceptance that I’ve shown him!  LOL  and he gets this huge sigh of relief that just sweeps over him. 

Then we kiss or whatever for a while and that was it.  I called my mom to let her know the good news,  and when we’re finally going to bed he looks over at me and says… You know.. you never gave me a staight answer.. and I start laughing and say.. OH, well yes of course : )