HAVE to choose

We had two new students start in the upper school yesterday and one visitor for the day who will enroll either now or at the beginning of the next school year. This is good. We’ll take all kinds of students but these three all seem to be of good dispositions and normal learning ability. 

Although mostly better after having been sick I am in a bit of a fog. Not just a mental one either. It’s a good thing the Lord is in me. It makes is impossible to get lost in fog. 

My procrasination issues threaten to take over my life. I think I am looking to far forward and being disappointed because my expectations are not yet fulfilled.  But how could they  be in the future and why should seeing them that way keep me from moving in the moment.  I am a girl about finding solutions and always have been. i get a rush from the finding them part but peter out in the implementation department.  

I keep thinking I should start conducting my life as a research project, but I think I lack the discipline. I have gained a certain amount of, whats the word? unbias toward myself, in that I am aware enough of how I look through God’s eyes that I know not to judge me according to what mankind expects. After 50 years of informal research I know that I will fall short of my own expectations. I don’t want to die physically but I do want to live spiritually. Amazing isn’t it, how we are wholly divided? I am spirit. I have a body. I don’t get to pick having one or the other yet I have to choose which one I willl heed. The expression of who I am then, is made visible by my actions. 

Hmm, have to choose.  I have it.  It’s not just an order, choose this or that. It is something I have. Like rice or potatoes, chicken or steak, white socks or black.  I HAVE (not haf) to choose.  Why do I suddenly feel lighter? 

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 In Sandy soil I plant this seed, If even only I do heed.

In death is life; won’t be denied, grown by tears of sorrow cried.

The truth is harsh, the babes are dead, I’ll hold mine closer in their stead.

It’s all I have and know to do. I don’t admit those lives are through.

I will not waste this plot of land, it will not wither ‘neath my hand.

Come here my Love, look in my eyes,

Do you know how dear you are to me….?