What am I fighting For?

the truck still only 2/3 full and I gave up. the thought of ‘what’s the point?’ wouldn’t leave my mind. I don’t even know what most of this stuff is. aside from that, when will I see it all again? it’s like there’s no point for any of this. my Dad, grandpa, grandma, uncle, other grandpa are all gone. so all the people who knew me don’t exist and I don’t know myself anymore. am I bad? Jbear seems to think so, and dis family that once supported our relationship think little of me. I’ve lost my reputation, direction, myself, and hope is quickly fading. I want to be me again, but if I can’t tell at the end of the day the difference between all the lies and the truth, what good would it be? the things in the past that tore us apart are all lain at my door, but did I do them? could I be the person they say I am? he married her, the chick who did all the crazy stuff. I can’t keep fighting when there no longer exists something to fight for. in his email he said he needed to move on with his life and then married her. once he confessed he couldn’t find in anyone the , for lack of better word, satisfaction of everything that he had with me. there was an place no one could fill. so I know he settled for her just so he didn’t have to be alone. it’s wrong! the proof of my innocents exists, but he took the easy way out. I lost momentum, direction, and finally the boat sank. clinging to a piece of drift wood slowly surrounded by sharks. if I let go I’ll drown, but the sharks might get here first. I can’t let this go, I’ve always been the last one hanging on to anything. it’s like lock jaw, they have to pry me from whatever. he’s gone, they all are. there’s nothing to hang on to but my heart beats and I’m breathing. let me go! let me forget! let me find me! let me… I just wish I could go home!! he took the last piece of me and now the shards of me like broken glass cutting as I futilely attempt to match them up. so what am I fighting for?